Browsing Tag: Life

notguiltylivinglife

Not Guilty!

Great words to hear when you are in trouble, anticipating jail time. Don’t know what that feels like though; my closest to the courthouse was when I went to get married.

But in this game called life we are always confronted by a cloud of witnesses and are constantly being judged by what we do or don’t do. We are constantly weighing our lives on a balance and trying to measure up.

People judge people! That’s what we do. We look at a persons appearance and judge how much they have in their account. We look at a person car to determine how successful they are… There is constantly a battle to prove to people we are worth something, we are constantly working on being APPROVED by others.

Life can get tiring when we are constantly trying to get people to like us, approve of our lifestyle and choices. We can forget the joy of living if all we do focus on what others think of us and how people see us.

I decided a long time ago not to be defined by what others say or think about me. When you are not constantly trying to please others you can truly live the way I believe God intended… free, unstoppable, and unwavering. Have a great week ahead.

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Monthly Pick

Never Stop Dancing

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never-stop-dancing

I have seen women shrink from the best versions of themselves to a shadow because of a sour marriage. I have seen men silenced by women who lack the ability to caress their soul into greatness. I have watched children transformed into dummies by angry parents who weren’t ready to have them. I have seen men and women alike shutting down, becoming depressed about their journey. I have witnessed dreams die because the carrier stopped dancing.

What am I saying? When you stop dancing, you die, and you kill everything that’s in your path. Whether you know it or not. As beautiful and grand some flowers are, they can also kill. Gabrielle Roth wrote this amazing piece that explains it, “In many shamanic societies, if you came to a shaman or medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions.
When did you stop dancing?
When did you stop singing?
When did you stop being enchanted by stories?
When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?”

So my question to you is when? There is always a “when”. I remember the first day I decided to stop dancing… I was hurt by a statement made by a friend and I decided to stop living my purpose. It took me years to get over it and to start dancing again. So today I’m encouraging you to dance, to sing, to be enchanted, to live your purpose. Do not let what people say change who you are, do not stop dreaming because of a few disappointments. Do not let an heartbreak make you hate men. Do not let a failed business stop you from dreaming. Do not allow people to change you. Keep dancing to the tune of your own rhythm.

Have a great weekend.

 

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why-some-investments-are-deadly

Abusive relationships produce a great amount on unhealthy investment in both parties. In many cases we tend to remain and support the abusive relationship due to our investment in the relationship. Several types of investments keep us in the bad relationship:

Emotional Investment – We’ve invested so many emotions, cried so much, and worried so much that we feel we must see the relationship through to the finish.

Social Investment – We’ve got our pride! To avoid social embarrassment and uncomfortable social situations, we remain in the relationship.

Family Investments – If children are present in the relationship, decisions regarding the relationship are clouded by the status and needs of the children.

Financial Investment – In many cases, the controlling and abusive partner has created a complex financial situation. Many victims remain in a bad relationship, waiting for a better financial situation to develop that would make their departure and detachment easier.

Lifestyle Investment – Many controlling/abusive partners use money or a lifestyle as an investment. Victims in this situation may not want to lose their current lifestyle. Intimacy Investment – We often invest emotional and sexual intimacy. Some victims have experienced a destruction of their emotional and/or sexual self-esteem in the unhealthy relationship. The abusing partner may threaten to spread rumors or tell intimate details or secrets. A type of blackmail using intimacy is often found in these situations.

In many cases, it’s not simply our feelings for an individual that keeps us in an unhealthy relationship – it’s often the amount of investment. Relationships are complex and we often only see the tip of the iceberg in public. For this reason, the most common phrase offered by the victim in defense of their unhealthy relationship is “You just don’t understand!”

No form of investment is worth dying for….

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%e2%80%8binvest-actively-participate

It’s time to stop being a victim and start being an active member in your own life. Invest in your choices, in people and in your time. Imagine you are driving a car and you feel no need to steer the wheels or engage the gears, would you reach your destination?
What if you don’t know where the destination is?  Does that mean you should leave the car to drive itself? Definitely not! Even when the path is unclear, you still need to make concerted effort to stay on the road.

Stay on the road!

Investing ensures that you do not drift aimlessly. Each time you identify a cause to pursue, a place where your passion is executed, you have a chance to participate in the future. Investing keeps you anchored to a course and helps you stay aligned long enough to determine where the right path is. You can always switch path if you are on the road but that may be hard if you leave your life’s vehicle to just drift and swerve aimlessly.
Invest in what?

This is not just about money and how you spend it.

It’s also about the people you associate with and where you spend the larger chunk of your time. Keep these three in mind:
1. Time

2. People

3. Energy
If you can invest the three listed things above in the right places, you are more likely to come out stronger and better. You have a greater chance of participating in your growth and shape your own future. Living a designed life involves active participation in your own life.

 

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life-puzzles-crumble

I met Lizzy two years ago. She was the life of the party, daring, skinny and very dramatic. We were pretty much the same and we hit it off fast. I don’t know why she trusted me with the details of her life. It wasn’t that I had my life under control, I just felt honoured each time she pulled me aside to have a conversation. One day she reached out to me. Her voice was shaky on the phone and I could not understand what she was saying so I rushed over to her place. It was a few blocks away. The door was slightly open when I walked in. Her room was a mess, she was on the floor holding on to a bottle. I rushed over to her side. I was greeted by the strong smell of alcohol coming from her mouth.

What is wrong? I asked.

My life is over. She said with tears pouring down her soft cheeks leaving dark traces of mascara on them. I rebuked her. Whatever it was, surely wasn’t that serious. I was worried about her. Yes, she was the life of the party but I knew she avoided alcohol like I avoided crawling animals. Seeing her in that state was very much disturbing. I got her up and to the bath, and I made sure she brushed her teeth. When she was fully dressed and sober, she opened up to me.

Lizzy had been in a relationship with a guy, she met him at an interview four years ago. She got the job while he did not. He had moved on to something else and they both worked in different capacities. They were in love and she had given her all to ensure that it stayed that way. They lived for each other and they had started making plans to spend the rest of their lives together. The few times I met Victor I thought he was a nice and kind man. I had no reason to doubt his sincerity of heart. He made her happy. She did same. I was only happy when they had decided on their dates.

Then on that day, Lizzy had left work early to retrieve a document she had forgotten at his place. You guessed right. She returned heartbroken. Victor was home but he wasn’t home alone. He had his pregnant fiancée at home with him and he was massaging her. Unfortunately, he left the door open. She was devastated and left him. Lizzy tried to pick up the pieces but not before crying her eyes out. Four years of happiness suddenly became history. Since that day she has never been the same.

No one has a clear picture of what others are going through- their challenges and struggles. It may seem trivial, you may be unmoved by their stories but it matters to them in that moment. We are all broken, the least you can do is to be a source of comfort. No one should have to pick up the pieces all by themselves. Life would be so much easier if we all give our love and attention to those who need it.

 

 

 

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twisted-values

On one of my photo-walk sessions to the market, my attention was drawn to this footwear seller. His goods were all varying quality and prices. This shot reminded me of a story I once heard. A group of mischievous college students agreed to rob a supermarket just for the fun of it. They then came together to think of a good plan, but none of the plan covered how they were going to transport the stolen goods without a car or any alternative transportation.  Finally, one of them then suggested something that made them feel like they had just eaten the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

They agreed to move into the shop by eleven p.m. since the supermarket closed by nine p.m. They got together and broke into the supermarket with the singular purpose of exchanging the price tags. The price tag of the  fifty thousand dollar Jacket was exchanged with the fifteen thousand dollar price tag. The price tag of the really expensive television was exchanged with one that the supermarket owners kept just to occupy space. They did this for all the goods they wanted and they were done and gone before one thirty a.m.

The following morning they were back at the supermarket, this time to buy the goods with already changed price tags. They paid for all they wanted before anyone noticed that the VALUE of the goods had been changed.

What a twisted mind!

But wait a second. This is surely a perfect reflection of what’s going on in our society today. Someone somewhere came in and messed with our sense of value. In as much as we will like to blame this on the devil, we must take responsibility for our actions. We must take responsibility for not putting the first things first. For not placing value on the things that really matter.

You may have chosen to enjoy a movie over being with a friend who really needed you just because we did not value that relationship. You believe it’s best to buy that beautiful dress than send your friend who is in need some money. Like that footwear seller, there are a lot of things and people in your life, tag them with the right value.

This is not to make you choose suffering over enjoyment but to make you reconsider and prioritize your values. The value we place on people, events and things would determine if we will have regrets when look back at our lives. Make the right decision today. Spend them with that friend, spend that call credit to better your relationships, attend that get together, attend that voice training, write that article, start that business. Invest in that which is truly valuable.

 

Notice: you can now join other designed lifers in the academy courses, a therapy and consulting program designed just for you. details here.

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rest-christians-reflect

Over the past week, I have realized that many Christians are going through a season of PRESSING. You might be feeling burdened down a bit or even having a lot on your mind. I want you to know YOU ARE IN A GREAT PLACE. You are in a place of walking into the greatest moments of your life. The enemy wouldn’t be messing with you or bothering you if you weren’t a threat! You have to really sit back and reflect on what the Lord has done for you. You may have faced many secret battles and public battles. Just know you are never alone.

The enemy is hating on you in a big way. He doesn’t want you to find out what it means to really walk with the Lord. He doesn’t want you to learn who you are in Christ especially during your season of singleness. Guess what?! He is already defeated and if you don’t give up! You will see what God promised you in every area of your life. I want you to know that you must continue standing on the word of God. You must use your spiritual weapon of rest as you walk through this season.

What God is Saying

During my quiet time with the Lord God kept telling me that my children need to rest. God stated to me that many of us are trying to fight battles and we are exhausted. God is saying he has your back! You don’t have to fall or give into the enemy’s lies. God sees what you have been through and what you are going through. In order to win the battle, you are in you must rest. When you rest it doesn’t mean you have no power or authority. Also, don’t feel bad when you rest. I know it looks impossible to rest because there are so many things to do each day. Take a step back. I want you to stop questioning and I want you to just breathe.

Jesus wants to teach you how to walk with him. This key scripture came into my heart during my quiet time.

Matthew 11:30 NIV

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

 

The burdens you are carrying will crush you if you don’t give it to God. The weights and the questions may seem unanswered, but let it go. Give it to God and just stand in the place of worship. Continue to stand in that place of faith. People around you may not understand and guess what it’s okay! God is leading you into a new land! Just PRESS THROUGH!

Take time this week to reflect and rest! Find time this week to look at your season of singleness as a gift. Take time to look at the faithfulness of God! THAT IS THE KEY TO MOVE INTO THE NEXT LEVEL OF GLORY!

Here are a few key points that can help you as you reflect during your pressing season.

Rest Key Points:

  • You can’t figure it all out. Just let everything go and give every concern over to God. Whatever you keep thinking about over and over again. You will just exhaust yourself. Let father God take hold of each situation. Just tell God what is on your heart. You are never alone. Let God into every area. Just rest into his arms. Just sit with him.
  • Thank God for what you do have. The best place to be to enter into a mindset of rest with God is to thank him.
  • It’s okay to sit back after you have done what you were supposed to and just rest. Don’t allow people to make you feel bad for your me + Jesus time. You need special moments with God to energize yourself. You need personal time with the Lord to reflect.
  • Rest in prayer with the Lord. Sometimes, you just need time to lay on your face and really surrender everything to the Lord. He wants you whole and complete in him alone. Don’t talk so much, but work on during this season to listen and receive.
  • If you don’t know where to begin to rest. Just sit with your favorite healthy snack and talk with God. He just wants to hear your voice. Simple steps bring big progress!

Reflect Key Points:

  • Look back on what the Lord has done in your past. If you keep focusing on what you don’t have you won’t have the heart you need to really receive what the Lord wants you to receive. If you focus on what God has done you will start seeing he hasn’t left you!
  • Write down what the Lord has done. Write it down in a journal or personal tablet. You have to write down blessings and what God has done so you can have a visual. You have to have some type of memorial memories of what the Lord has done. So, when you have moments that seem like God is taking a while. You can look back and say WOW he did it for me a while back and I know he will do it again!
  • Don’t get bitter when other people get blessings that you wanted. Just know that God has allowed each test to come for a reason. God has specific blessings for each of us. Don’t worry or be afraid when things take a while. Just reflect and know that God is fighting for you.

 

REFLECTION AND THANKFULNESS COMBINED ARE POWERFUL!!!!

 

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embrace-losses-twist

EMBRACE IT

A loss is the exact opposite of profit. Profit is said to be the benefit that yields from things we’ve dedicated out time, passion, money and so many others things that are precious to us. Loss, on the other hand, is defined as that thing, person, contract, non-living things you lose.

There is some indispensable significance of losses, there are some things you have to let go in your life. It doesn’t mean you are not determined to have that thing or pursue it in life, it only means you can everything good to yourself alone.

In the principle of life, bad things happen to both the good and the bad. The principle of life does not distinguish anyone saint in the journey called life. Good people die, bad people die, good people experience accidents, bad people do as well, good people cry, bad people also cry. A phenomenon question people have cultivated the habit of saying is that “why do bad thing happen to good people?’. And my answer is, “the principle of life doesn’t know if you are good or not, only human distinguish between the good and the bad.

Now, talking about losses, the good people also experience losses in the journey called life. The road to stardom tells more about this topic. Life is hard, success is hard. You have to give it all your best, and at times, your best may not really work out.

Moving on to the past, research has proven it that almost every successful person has some past (clean or dirty), but you don’t get to know they do not until they tell you about it. What helped? Was it that easy for them? Do they have pains you’ve got? Do they have stigmas as well? Of course, they only applied the principle of letting go. The fact about past is, the most you reminiscence on it, it makes you lose focus of the future.

10 indispensable significance of losses.

  1. It makes you strong: Those that have battled with so many stigmas in life are always strong to face the future. In the actual sense of letting go, such person becomes stronger than before. When you have experienced some things in your life, to face such occurrence in the future would never make you inferior but superior.
  2. The act of letting go becomes an innate habit for you: You find it very easy to let go of some other thing too, because you have once tasted the sourness of letting go.
  3. More experienced: One of the major significance of losses to mankind is that it makes more experienced. For instance, if it was to be a business loss, it is of veracity that that loss would make one thinks very well before dabbling into another.
  4. You understand life better, the realities of life reveal itself to you.
  5. You look for so many alternatives to move on
  6. It makes you think big.
  7. You become a motivator to others. You will become a godfather to other young and aspiring entrepreneur.
  8. You become more creative than before.
  9. Losses open other means. It proves Martin Luther King right in one of his quote. He said and I quote “difficulties shouldn’t mar you, let it make you”.
  10. It makes you trace your step back to your path. At times, the main reason why something fails in our lives is a result of we deviating from focus, and no man gets to the top without having focus.
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Blog

When there is Darkness Within

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when-there-is-darkness-within

The heart is the center of all our existence, it is the power house and source of all that happens to us.

“As a man thinketh, so is he..”

The thoughts and desire, will and visions we have flow from the heart. Even our speech, the things we say to people and to ourselves come from the heart.

The wellspring of life is from the heart, as a biological entity it is the root of human blood. Life resides in the blood and the heart pumps blood round the body, in other words the heart pumps life.

What About When The Heart is Gloomy

Just like a day when the skies darken, when everything seems to go wrong. Life seems to be function contrary to what is expected. Who do we turn to? What steps do we take to restore the sparkle? 


These are  times that typically occur in our lives, we would seek solitude. There are those times when everyone just seems to be against you, it’s not always the case. 

The First Friend

You need to befriend your heart, tend it like a choice garden. Make it merry and sing rhymes to that beating organ in your chest. No one can please your heart more than you do,  it’s you that started out this journey with it. 

No other custodian for your heart than you, clear out the cobwebs. Clean out the dark corners, open the blinds and let light shine in. 


When there is darkness within, you are the first backup for your heart. Rest assured in the love you have for yourself, build castles in your heart and shield yourself from the angry darts of circumstances, pain and shame. 

Fight that darkness till it retreats. 

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