My Story, Parenting, Spiritual Living

Grieving and coping with the loss of your newborn baby

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Life most often is filled with contradictions. These contradictions for nursing mothers who grieve the loss of their newborn babies after birth are always too much to bear. Counselors describe the emotional pains and moments of grieve for mothers who lost their babies after birth as more traumatizing to bear than physical pains. 

So how do you deal with the pain of losing a child after birth?

Psychologists are also of the opinion that mothers who lost their babies after birth have to cope with great grief and a mixture of emotions, as well as the physical aspects of losing the baby. The grief for most of these mothers is based on the fact that 48 weeks of anticipation for a child and the antagonizing pains of labor are reduced to nothing with no baby to gaze and cuddle

According to research, many mothers who lost their babies after birth described the moment after losing the baby as more terrifying. This often leaves them in a state of indecision with a weak and blur memory. The experience also leaves the mother’s helpless who in most cases would want to still hold on to a lifeless baby for too long without wanting to let go.

For centuries, scientific research is yet to fully explain and comprehend the bond between a mother and the newly born baby especially after delivery. Such bond suddenly wipes off the pains common during childbirth. The bond according to counselors is what often heightens the pains and anguish of a mother who grieve the loss of the newly born baby after birth.

In addition, research has also suggested that most mothers find it very painful to explain to families and friends the loss of a baby they have proudly announced to the world during the weeks and months of pregnancy. According to the research, most mothers finds it very terrifying to announce the loss of the baby to people who knew about their pregnancy and are unaware of their lost after birth. Such a memory is similar to walking around with open wound with flies perching on it.

annie-spratt-210644For other grieving mothers, the loss of the baby after delivery goes with a feeling of failure and disappointment of how they have failed in allowing such a loss to occur. Counselors are however of the opinion that all the feelings associated with the loss of babies after birth by mothers are psychologically and socio-culturally normal. All these are due to the unexplainable bond between mothers and newly born babies alongside the joy and feelings the delivery of a child is often considered in the society.

To deal with such phase in life, several methods of support and comfort for the grieving mothers are often suggested by counselors.  For instance, to cope with such a moment, in the first few days of the loss, the mother should be made to understand what resulted in the loss of the baby. Such explanations would help the mothers avoid the game of self-blame which often lead to guilt and a long period of resentments and regrets by the mother. Here, the roles of medical personnel are considered essential. 

Also, mothers going through this phase should also be allowed to have their wishes granted. Some mothers would wish to spend time cuddling the lifeless baby. This would help such mothers come to terms with the reality before them.


Similarly, the services of counselors and support of close relatives are also of paramount importance to the mothers. The services of a counselor are to talk such grieving mothers out of the emotional pains and psychological trauma by accepting that life itself is filled with moments of joy and pains. While the support of close family members especially the presence of the husband will be a means of reassurance which would suggest to the grieving mother that she is not going through the loss alone. Such support from the spouse should also include that the bereaved mother would have mood swings and nagging issues as it relates to issues with her partner including sex even months after the loss.

Having recently experienced the loss of my first baby few hours after birth did go through and still going through a high level of pain and depression. I have spent months replaying the event in my mind, I have been riddled with nightmares of my baby being taken away from me. As a young woman, the experience has changed me for life.

According Katherine, a mother who lost her first baby few days after birth said, “you never get over the death of a child, you just learn to live with your grieve,” however mothers who grieve the loss of their child after birth should be accompanied and supported all through the way of their grieve and sorrow not minding how long it takes. 


Guest post by:

Folashade Sholotan

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