genital mutilation and the myths

Do You Think Female Genital Mutilation Stops Promiscuity?

A lot of religious books and folklore have contributed to the continuity of some barbaric practices. Some writers make reference to statements made by Jesus Christ while He was here on earth. A true leader who wants growth will not misuse the bible to defend terrible practices. I doubt He meant an actual act when he said: “…pluck it out!”

But humans, centuries later, decided to extend the mantra. “If the female genitalia would cause our daughters to sin, let’s help them chop it off!”

The World Health Organization defines female genital mutilation thus; “FGM is a procedure that involves partial or total removal of the external genitalia. It could also involve other injuries to the female genital organ for non-medical reasons.”

Mr. Ekeocha (Director of the Nations Orientation Agency) made some shocking disclosure in the Vanguard of 9th September 2015. He said there is about six states in Nigeria that still practice female genital mutilation1. This act has thrived majorly on culture and tradition with harmful outcomes for the victims.

Does this serve any purpose?

Some forefather in history thought in their wisdom that cutting off the clitoris would reduce promiscuity, probably hoping to bring up standards of sexual purity. Maybe a few women may have found this useful, those who having never experienced such pain before. It could have led some totaking vows of celibacy till their families shipped them off to their husbands’ houses. This was much to the delight of the forefathers who then agreed to initiate this ‘purified’ cutting at an earlier age.

 But, those forefathers, long gone, were ignorant and oblivious to the evil they were sentencing those females too. Research has shown that FGM, female genital mutilation, DOES NOT reduce promiscuity. ladies have a higher chance of sinking into depression, they find it difficult to be sexually aroused and reach orgasm. This is simply because what has been removed cannot be replaced. It is forever gone. So, when it is actually needed, there’s nothing.

 It is time to end this cowardly act. If you teach the right values, there would be no need taking an act so crude and evil. I have heard of broken glass, thin threads, and blunt knives, re-used and over-used razor blades, used in m mutilating these girls. It has to stop! Every lady has hormones that her responsible for her urges and desires. Self-control is a personal decision, The genitals are not at fault!

 After being told and taught what is right, any lady who still chooses the promiscuous path would have herself to blame.

But, no one should be allowed to torture and mar any female in the name of ‘protecting her from herself’.

 

10 Life Hacks for Better Interpersonal Relationships with People

Life is like a freight train, it sometimes has an open roof and people dump their baggage just as our paths cross. Imagine a night train passing through a lonely town. The people don’t have waste disposal systems and there are no waste collectors, so they stand by the rail line, eagerly waiting for the freight train at night.

The train slows down “CLING CLANG CLING CLANG” and then like bugs, parasites; they perch on the sides of the carriage and fling their rubbish onto the train. The gullible driver rides on none the wiser!

Productivity could become such an elusive concept that we find ourselves living other people’s realities. Here is a list of 10 simple hacks that enhance productivity:

1. You must not spend your days so involved that you fill it up with everyone’s agenda except your own. Have your own plans!

2. Do not take rest stops because you think everyone does so, don’t visit a friend because you think everyone is doing so. They may just hand you your next problem!

3. Strange Admirers always have motives, they eagerly wait for you to arrive, they perch on you like mosquitoes and fleece you of the little time you have.

4. Strange Admirers are the ones you have hardly known but they already love everything about you, it never lasts long.

5. Every human comes with a load of baggage and fights, you cannot be part of everyone’s battles. Pick the battles that affect you directly and let every other one slide.

6. One minute you are here and the next minute you are gone, life is too fleeting to attach importance to everything, everyone, every place. Be deliberate about what you allow in your limited time!

7. Don’t wave to the stragglers, they always have stories to tell. Rumour mongers always know something that happened to someone that started somewhere…… and on and on till half of life is spent on Idle chatter.

8. Gain momentum when things go downhill, the rail is fastest when the coach seems to be nosediving.

9. No one cares about you as much as they care about their rubbish, their need to transfer aggression, ill-feelings, burdens, usually outweighs whatever time and energy loss that it would cost you to participate in their drama. This is why everyone thinks everyone else should learn to be “loyal”, don’t trade loyalty for freedom.

10. Pay your dues, society develops the rail line, it is important only to take a break when you have to give back to society.

These are ideas that cut across religious and cultural differences, they would make a stronger person of you. It is not important so much to be influential as it is to be free, to be happy till death takes us.

I hope you have a great weekend as it approaches, drop your comments and tell me what you love about this post and any otherwise thoughts that would help my friends to live happier lives.

Damilola Jonathan O.

a cheat boyfriend

What Should Women do when Men Cheat?

I once heard a friend of mine say, “all men cheat”. She went on to narrate the usual mournful tale of how her once upon a time knight in shining armor started cheating on her with her sister who had come to stay with her for a few months. Of course, there was enough water from her eyes to mop the floor when she was done telling her story. Their marriage would be five years in few days and she was not even sure she still had a marriage.

Most of us have heard or read similar stories, some ladies have experienced it and we all are left with that question, “why do men cheat?” it is known that women also cheat even if in more coded ways than men. But, we cannot deny the accelerated and alarming rate amongst men. I am not sure there is an antidote or cure that works for all men.

In response to the question, here are some answers. From the men;

It’s nature: somehow, many men hold this opinion. They see cheating as an inevitable expression of their nature as men.

Women get boring: this is usually the reason given by married men who cheat. They claim their wives stop making efforts to stay as beautiful as they met them; they do little or nothing to spice things up ion the marriage.

Provocative dressing: with the background of a shabbily dressed wife or girlfriend, men are often confronted by other ladies who emphasize all their curves and expose their bodies a lot. This is temptation unbearably by most men.

Lost respect: some men claim they cheat only on women they have no respect for or have lost respect for. The lack of respect or lost respect could be due to varying reasons. The end result is the same, they cheat on them.

A search for something: from satisfying sex to a particular sex of children, men cheat when they seem not to be getting it from their ‘original’ woman.

There would be myriad of other reasons which every woman would count as dung, but not the man. To him, these reasons are as valid as anything can be. So, ladies, it seems without divine intervention, some men would still find reasons to cheat on you. So, pray! Then, do not be the one to give them a reason(s) to cheat. Keep up your A-game; don’t give in to the ‘it-does-not-matter-anymore’ syndrome. Dress good and amazing. Cook great meals. Don’t drop your education or career but don’t let them draw you away too much from your man. Make him your own! If he then still cheats, you have a clear conscience that you did not induce, incite or encourage him. You did your best.What to do and how to react if he does cheat is a topic for another day.

What to do and how to react if he does cheat is a topic for another day.

 

 

 

Are Friends Worth ‘Fighting’ For? – Living a Designed Life

sThat depends on your definition of friends, doesn’t it?

A friend is someone you know well and regard with affection even trust. That is the dictionary definition. Friendships are functions of several parameters. It involves emotions, time invested in certain relationships. It is not new to have trust broken among friends. Some couples never looked like they could ever breakup, they were so cute together. We suddenly hear news of their failed relationships and we wonder what could have gone wrong. It could be confusing, Why didn’t they hold on a little bit longer? What happened to their friendship?

Have you ever had to deal with someone who is opinionated and not ready to back down? Isn’t it exerting having to repeat yourself to a friend, even though they are determined to not understand your plight? They are convinced you are on the wrong track even if you are sure you are not. These friends take it upon themselves to correct you unnecessarily under the umbrella of friendship. Some friends will never ever agree with you even if the decision is yours because they believe they could have done better.

You both would like to believe you have the best interests of each other at heart yet you cannot deny how exhausting it really is having to go through a rollercoaster of emotions and fights in the name of friendship.

Some fights are not even worth it

Yet some of us cannot get ourselves to avoid it. We even extend it to people who are not our direct friends just because our so called friends are involved in it but that is not entirely wise. Do not join the wagon just because you want to be associated with a certain cause no matter what it is or who is involved in it especially when it is not noble. When the chips are down, the people who you fought for may or may not stick around probably because they are smart enough to know when not to engage or just too busy choosing their battles and selecting their arms.

It is better to fight your own fight and stop dragging other people in as a backup. Friendship is not an excuse to misbehave just because the other person is doing same.

We should all respect people, irrespective of their choices. It is your responsibility as a friend to support, encourage and protect each other without lording it over or resorting to violence when threatened. There is no hierarchy in friendship but there are boundaries. We all have a purpose and there is a time for everything. A time to draw the curtains and allow the sun in,  to shut the world out and do your own thing. There is the time to defend and a time to correct A time to disagree and a time to agree.

Friends or acquaintances come in different packages and each with a different gift or baggage. You just have to know who to keep, what to sift through and when to let go.

fashionably Yours Kabrea

Exclusive Interview with Kabrea Thomas, CEO of Fashionably Yours

 

Kabrea Thomas is the CEO/Founder of Fashionably Yours. She is a New York City-based Image & Wardrobe Stylist and Personal Shopping consultant. Her firm provides styling services to professionals who want to add “umph” to their wardrobe so they can stand out and feel confident in what they wear.  

What habits and mindsets helped make you successful?
The habits that I’ve kept me successful is surrounding myself with others who are entrepreneurs- these people are dealing with the same things I go through every day. As an entrepreneur, I read so much on a daily basis. Things that relate to my everyday lifestyle and motivate me on a daily basis. I enjoy watching videos of other well-known entrepreneurs who went through what I did, and show me that I’m reaching closer and closer to my goals every day. Just following this routine every day allows me to appreciate my growing success every day.

How did you distinguish yourself from your competitors?
I believe that my competitors are awesome! And I’ve even had the pleasure of meeting a few of them, what makes me unique is the way I work. My goal is to incorporate a fashion forward, a trendy yet comfortable wardrobe that fits my client’s everyday lifestyle. I believe that being an image consultant is more than just shopping and putting pieces together. It’s about knowing the person you’re styling. What does he/she like and feel comfortable in? I’m all about making my clients stand out and feel confident in what they wear.

What was your biggest mistake?

I wouldn’t say that I’ve made any mistakes, instead, I’d say I’ve made decisions that have helped me learn and grow. Sometimes when you’re starting a business, or even when you have an idea you automatically think boom- you’re going to be a major success. I’ve learned that patience is key to any success.

How do you learn from failure or setbacks?

I’ve been able to learn that it’s okay to take a step back and reevaluate yourself and what you want to do with your business. Life happens, and we all deal with obstacles differently.

What are the most crucial things you have done to grow your business?
The top 3 most crucial things I’ve done to grow my business would be networking. Networking is obviously the number 1 core to growing your business. The more people you know the more chances you are going to talk about your business. And the more who know about it talk more about your business. Secondly patience- success certainly doesn’t happen overnight. It’s all the little things that add up to that big great thing you were working on. And last but not least of course vulnerability. I never believed in this one but it’s true. You have to put yourself out there. Tell people your story. Inspire others along the way is my favorite thing to do.

What three pieces of advice would you offer entrepreneurs starting out today?

When starting out things will be super tough, sometimes you won’t have as much support as you thought and there will ALWAYS be someone out there who will doubt you. But try and surround yourself with others just like you. Put yourself out there. You have an amazing idea/product/service that everyone needs to know about. And always remember you ROCK!!

styling-3Why are fashion and personal styling important?

Fashion and personal styling are important because your appearance is the first thing that gets noticed on a daily basis. Through it all, not many take the time out to put an outfit together, and in most cases that can lead to low self-esteem and even depression. What I do is work from the outside and then work from within. You’re an important person, and when someone sees you they should think that too.

How has being an entrepreneur affected your family life?

When I finally made the decision to start my business it was at a very hard time in my life. I didn’t have the support from my parents, but I was able to make changes just from my routine and the way I thought. I knew that my business was worth it, so I made some changes in my life.

What motivates you?
What motivates me is my future. I know that I am capable of so many things. The more I let my mind wonder, the more I think about all these amazing things I can do to change one’s life, feeling and maybe even the world.

What makes you happy?
My business makes me happy, being able to learn and have a spiritual connection with a new friend. Food makes me happy (lol); my close friends and family make me happy. Life in itself makes me happy!

What sacrifices have you had to make to be a successful entrepreneur?
As a successful entrepreneur, there are many times when I’ve had to put my business first, not too many people will understand why, but when you start a business your main goal is for it to continue growing.

How do you define success?
Success to me is beyond dollars. It is the ability to have your cake and eat it too in my book. Success to me is being able to live the lifestyle you’ve always wanted without a financial burden.

How do you live an authentic life?
I’m not sure that I’ve got the hang of it as of yet (lol). I’m actually still trying to balance out having a life and a business as two separate things. Let’s just say it’s something I am working on at the moment.

What does living a Designed Life mean to you?
Living a designed life is freedom! It’s showing others your truth and what you’re capable of. I truly believe that only the strong can truly live a designed life.

Click here to find out more about styling from Kabrea Thomas   

responding to a calling

Would you Respond to God’s calling and Dump your Degree?

My Name is Joshua, I have always been an “A” grade student, everyone loves me. The hope my parents had were about to be dashed. My father died when I was barely 7 years old since then my Mother was married off to Uncle Jite and he was like a father to me. Uncle Jite did not treat me and mother like he treated his first wife and her children but he did right by us. He regularly added to my mom’s savings so she fed me and paid my school fees.

In my final year at the University of Nigeria Nsukka, I got the call of God to service. I finished NYSC and planned to break the news to my parents after returning home, Chinenye (My Fiancee) has been in mourning since I told her that she was getting married to a clergy. She had to choose that life or leave me.

My mother has told the whole village how her “Engineer” son will build a factory, employ their children and bring contractors to tar the roads.

 

What Should be Priority?

This narrative is common in countries where Christianity and several religious persuasions place a higher value on the calling of “God” than the needs of a dying society.

This question has remained largely unanswered, a lot of young people find themselves at a crossroad. Should a young graduate dump his 4/5years university degree and become a Bible-thumping Proselyte. Is it possible that God cares more about recruiting people to eternal life than building societies that work? Is there a balance out there?

These are questions that require a lot of counsel, a lot of prayers. Sometimes we make a decision not to choose what seems to be the expected route. We all know that Paul in the scriptures continued to work for his own upkeep by tent making, while we have other disciples who left their fish nets to follow Jesus. It is important that every individual chooses what path to service that best suits their conscience. If we would serve God then service to humanity must not become a burden to us.

After the command to love God with all our hearts, the next to it is that we should love our neighbors as ourselves. Let’s imagine that every human chose to abandon their vocations and all turned to evangelists, would we have a society that works and actually grows? Each reader should expand on this last thought from here on, it is not a complete answer but it’s a good start.

As much as there is a need for the social and emotional development of humans, the human nature does not start and end with spiritual and non-physical issues. We live in a physical world.

Marriage baggage

Miserable and In Love, the days of our lives just before marriage

A lot of us dump our dreams once we are in love, and after marriage. Love seems to be too much of a bargain, it demands for our time. It demands a commitment to a family and other burdens that make us look for the easy way out. You settle for salaried jobs and throw aside those ideas that sent thrills down our spine. Then you have to pay the bills and carry the baggage that comes with love. You start doing a lot of reminiscing “I used to be so good at this, I used to be so good at that.” Not long after finding the love we almost regret not chasing our dreams. The person we fell in love with becomes a baggage, we seem to be dragging through life.

All the Abandoned Dreams

What is the correlation between broken relationships and all your old sketches that resurface? Those messages you used to listen to, they just reappear. I think for many of us, love is a parasitic virus, it does not share its host with any other ambition. Love takes over everything, it becomes more of a burden because with love comes responsibility. Responsibilities in themselves do not kill love, they are supposed to be the fuel for love to bloom. The problem is that most of us invest our commitments in the wrong places. We change our circle of friends, we change the places we visit. We stop finding joy in the things that actually made us so loveable.

Marriage becomes Misery

We build all our lives and hopes around these fleeting needs, we get the wrong job for a measly pay. The salary gets us cars and flashy things that fit into what people expect of our relationship. We exchange gifts when we should actually dialogue with our loved ones. After some time love turns to “water” instead of “fuel”. Love is supposed to be a propelling force, something that keeps the engine of purpose running. While we begin to run the rat race of doing our “duty”, we forget the reason why we loved the other person in the first place. Like water, it becomes a necessity and nothing more. We are barely cutting a better deal by having a partner that earns. The sweet lover becomes a partner for the rent, a partner for the kids and so on.

Love suddenly becomes summarized in boring weekend sex and boom!! It’s 2050, you wake up to find that you are too old to do anything special. If this defines the path you are on, there is still a way out.

Read my next article “5 Big Decisions to make before you fall in Love”

wedding dress considerations

The Biggest Considerations When Purchasing a Wedding Dress

 

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by Rosario Berry

If you are planning on getting married sometime soon and are wondering what you will have to consider, just take a look at the four main decisions you will have to make.

The Color

Okay so the traditional color of a wedding dress is white but in recent times wedding dress designers have started to be a lot bolder with their choices of color. Colors that have been proving popular in recent years include red, blue, and even black. However, white is still the obvious choice for many but for those of you that want to be a little bit braver you will be happy to know that you have options.

The Wedding Dress Material

One of the biggest considerations you will have to make when purchasing a wedding dress from leading manufacturer is of what fabric you wish your dress to be. What makes this decision the more confusing is that there are so many different fabrics to choose from so it will take a bit of research before jumping for the first material you see. You have lace, chiffon, satin, organza, rayon, silk, taffeta, and tulle just for starters, so the best advice would be to have a look at each and decide which will suit your occasion.

The Style

Choosing the style of your wedding dress will have to come down to your body shape. It all depends on your body size and shape and you will want to emphasize your best bits and hideaway the not so great bits. An example would be an A-line styled dress that will be perfect for those with a rounder lower body. If you are unsure of just how to pick a dress that perfectly suits your body, a good all rounder is that of a ball-gown style that is usually a good fit for most body types.

 

The Cost

For most of us, our wedding days will be among the most expensive days in our lives and that is to be expected for such a special occasion. However, it also makes sense to try and save a bit of money wherever we can to lighten the burden. Luckily top brands will offer a range of dresses in their collection and will no doubt have something that will be perfect for your big day that is well within your budget.

Once you have decided upon a dress that matches all of you requirements, you are then one step closer to having the occasion of your life. Just do not forget that the dress is just one small part of what a wedding day is comprised of.

Rosario Berry is a professional freelance writer, like to introduce Leel Dress Co Ltd. One of the biggest considerations you will have to make when purchasing a Wedding Dress from leading manufacturers.

pregnancy image

Odds Of Getting Pregnant – Tips For Improving Your Odds Of Getting Pregnant Naturally

 

There are many reasons why a woman cannot conceive a baby. If you are one of these women, who are experiencing odds of getting pregnant, read this article to get tips to improve your chances of conceiving a baby.

1) You have to consult first an obstetrician for you to be diagnosed. Your doctor could conduct series of tests to know if you have hormonal imbalances.

2) Engage yourself in physical activities or exercise routines every day for at least 30 minutes. Try different sports such as playing tennis, swimming, badminton, or volleyball. Or you can do simple exercises such as walking your dog, jogging or biking.

3) You should consider your sexual positions during sex. The advisable positions are dog style and missionary positions. During intercourse, do not shift to different positions especially sitting to standing positions. After intercourse, you have to raise your hips by putting a pillow under your bottom to help the sperm swim near your cervix.

4) Do not stress yourself if you cannot conceive. Do it naturally and with love. Remember that a child is a product of your love with your partner.

5) Another tip for improving your odds of getting pregnant is to know your ovulation period. Timing is very critical in conceiving. Knowing your ovulation period will give you the best time to have intercourse with your partner.

6) Eating healthy and nutritious foods will help improve your chances of conceiving a baby. You have to include in your balanced diet the following: milk, orange, poultry, beans, nuts, green leafy vegetables and lean meats. Avoid in your daily meal trans fat food such as potato chips, cookies, French fries, and doughnuts.

designed life platform

Blog

Finally LAUNCHING Designed.LIFE, a platform for all things that matter to help you design a life well lived.

Living a Designed life is a noble goal, you are on the right platform. For years humanity has been on the constant search for meaning, we want to take as much control of life as is possible. The existence of unforeseen circumstances and risk keep us alert, everyone wants some sanity.

How would you like to have a framework,

Contribute meaningfully to what happens in your life. How would you like to stop being a victim of life, and become that model of a designed life? At designed life, we walk you through this journey of self-discovery.

This platform is about real people, real challenges, and experiences that would tutor you. There are resources to address specific needs in your relationship, family, business, work and lots more. This is about every aspect of your life, it is a holistic approach to building a life that makes meaning.

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