child delivery without pains

Child Delivery: I just do not want to feel pain;

Once a couple is pronounced husband and wife, especially in Africa, the blessings or prayers for children start rushing in. Twins. Triplets. Quadruplets. And people keep shouting Amen to the prayers. Although, the number and loudness of the “Amen” start reducing once it reaches quadruplets and quintets. The economic implications of feeding four or five mouths at the same time outweighs the desire for such multiple blessings. Even though breast milk is free, there is a lot more needed in taking care of a baby.

There is more

Something else that the wife is considering as the prayers resound in her ears. These children will not be printed out of a computer neither would twins be gotten by photocopying one baby to get another. She would have to carry the pregnancies and deliver the babies. That is no joke! The best any husband can do is be in the delivery room and fake-push along with her. But everybody knows who is doing the actual work.

The mode of delivery, in generations past, was not an issue. It was the pride of every woman to push, grunt and sweat through labor. The cry of the baby is her final comfort. It did not matter the age or height of the mother and no baby was considered too big to pass through the birth canal. Besides, there was even no way to decide how big the baby was seeing as most pregnancies stayed at home and were delivered there. No antenatal care, no ultrasounds, and no investigations. So, both the tall mother with a 3kg fetus and a short mother with a 4.5kg fetus were expected to rise up to the challenge and make their husbands proud. Many pulled through. And many died too.

This went on till the time of better awareness and acceptance of antenatal care and surgical delivery of babies, also known as caesarean section (C/S). It soon became obvious that certain conditions and circumstances call for C/S. These include certain medical conditions in the mother; heart disease, heart failure, sickle cell anemia with crisis, eclampsia, and pre-eclampsia, then, low-lying placenta (placenta praevia) or conditions in the baby; macrosomia (big baby), breech presentation, etc. These are conditions that require C/S.

Things are Changing

Now, there seems to be a rise in pregnant women opting for caesarean sections just because they prefer it to vaginal delivery. Caesarean sections are painless as there are anesthesia and adequate analgesia, they are fast and free of cramps, pain, stress and pushing and with no risk of vaginal/cervical tears or getting an episiotomy. It is clean and simple.
But, it actually carries more risks than the usual route. The woman can react to the anesthetic drugs, she might bleed a lot, get infections or adhesions post operation and if she has C/S twice, her subsequent deliveries would just have to be the same way.
So, which would it be?

family involvement in relationships

The Extremes of Family Involvement in Relationships: Up to this Point and no More.

‘Our Family Wedding’, a 2010 romantic comedy film is a must watch! Apart from the funny scenes and face off between the fathers of the bride and groom, there are many lessons to be learnt about the involvement of parents and family members in the life of the couple. One statement I can’t forget from the movie is, “it’s your marriage but it is their (the families) wedding”.
There are two extremes to how involved the extended family could be in the affairs of a couple, newly wedded or not. They could be over involved and they could be very much uninvolved.


Pre courtship:

the over-involved family dictates the specifications for the type of person their daughter or son can date and/or marry. Some families even decide who the wife or husband would be without the knowledge or consent of the child. They select the one they think is best and present him/her to their child, expecting their decision to be accepted with open arms or otherwise, forced down the child’s throat.
On the other hand is the family that really does not care. They say and show you that it is your life, do whatever you want. Even when the child needs their input or some encouragement, they get none. And if things do not work out as the child desired, they don’t say, ” I told you so” because they actually never said anything!



the extremely involved family wants to know the timetable of the courtship or they would gladly draw one for you. They want to know when you and your fiancée/fiance argue and when and how you made up. They want to know how often you go on dates. If you have not gone on a date recently, they start asking questions. They are curious about your sex life, whether you are enjoying it or not and if you are using any form of protection. They can even give you condoms as birthday presents. Seriously!

Meanwhile, the family at the other end of the spectrum do not care if you are making babies under their roof. They do not want to know off your boyfriend is beating you every other day. Other times they are nonchalant to your excitement and they ignore the mention of dates with your sweetheart. They may not even know if you broke up with the last guy. It would still be, “hey Dave” even though Dave was your secondary school crush and you have dated four other guys since then.

The wedding

The wedding day for the extremely involved family belongs to them. They are in charge of what happens and what does not. They dictate the motions of the day. All you have to do is make an appearance with your bride/groom. In fact, they do not appreciate any input from you. They just want you to sit back and enjoy, whether you like their choices or not.
But for the other extreme, you are definitely on your own. You are lucky they even contribute financially to the wedding. They leave you to decide on everything pertaining to the wedding. And unless you insist on them doing certain specific things, you can be sure they won’t lift a finger. This can be really frustrating.

After the wedding:

This is where the extremely involved family can actually get on your nerves… Unless you are a mummy’s boy or daddy’s girl. This is the point where they should acknowledge your independence as a couple, able to make their own decisions. But, no, they still don’t get it. They would tell you where best to get a house to move into. Some families would indicate which room is best for the husband and wife, the type of furniture to buy, the type of interior decoration, etc. They want to know when you are getting pregnant and how you are preparing for the baby. If after a while, you aren’t pregnant, they start asking questions and seeking solutions for you, with or without your answers.

They set up panels to discuss your issues and settle your arguments once they get a whiff of them. One would say, they become a pain in the gluteal region. As for the uninvolved family, at this point, one might actually just appreciate their non-involvement and distance. Although, it might seem your ship has been abandoned but it still feels safe.

The extremely involved family is a common feature in African countries. This is because the extended family is eager to establish their presence. Developed countries often have more of the uninvolved family types. There is an emphasis on the nuclear family more than the extended family. It is more like, “no branching, no rooting”, every couple and family stand on its own.
Of course, there should be a balance. Everybody knows that. The issue is, how many families can find that balance

You are 28 years old and not married yet?!?!

Sometimes, life happens and some situations are out of your control. No matter what I want you to know that the Lord is good and his timing is sufficient for you. I am not knocking anyone right now who is seriously engaged or married. I am not knocking anyone who has gotten married at an early age. I am just speaking from my point of view. I noticed that sometimes this world and even people close to you have opinions about your life. They may even suggest you do certain things so you can get attention or maybe even a date. Yes, God sends great people into your life to help you or give advice, but we still need to seek the Lord. We need to know what He has told us and wait on Him no matter what people say. Sometimes, people who love us tell us stuff from the goodness of their heart, but we still need to follow what the Lord has said in his word. We still must follow what we know God is telling us to do deep from within no matter how long we may have to wait.


I am currently 28 years old and I have realized that there is so much out there in the world that could discourage almost anyone about marriage especially Godly marriages.

Thank God we serve a God that wants us to view marriage from His point of view and from His perspective! I love to spend time with the Lord and have my quiet time. It really encourages my soul. Sometimes, this world wants you to rush in every area of your life and not even consult God about anything. I strongly believe that marriage is a beautiful gift from the Lord and if you have a desire for marriage it will happen at the Lord’s time according to his will. I am noticing so many people getting married at an early age. I think there is nothing wrong with it as long as the Lord has ordained it and willed it. I just believe that sometimes some singles as they get older can be discouraged or feel as if something is wrong with them. I want you to know that if you have ever felt like that it’s okay. The Lord understands how you feel, but there is nothing wrong with you. He just has a certain time for every area of your life. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 CEB) He has reasons that are beyond your understanding as well. He is a good father and He wants only the best for you.

I told God about 5 years ago that I would wait for the God fearing husband that He has for me. I would wait no matter how long it would take. I told God I would wait well and focus on my kingdom purpose. I wouldn’t wait around with a defeated mindset, but I would trust His timing for every area of my life.

I want you to look at your life right now and not your friend’s life. I want you to look at your life right now no matter how old you are and realize how good God is. I want you to look at your life right now and filter out everything that anyone has ever told you that doesn’t line up with what GOD said. I want you to look at your life right now and start really enjoying it. You may have situations that seem unfair or you may still be questioning God’s timing for your life. I want you to put aside your questions and really rejoice in the Lord in this season. No matter what stage you are in just rejoice! I want you to know that being in the season of singleness isn’t a time to wallow in self-pity or wonder why no one has asked to court you yet. Also, I want you to strongly know that there is more to life than wanting to be married. It is a magnificent desire, but at the same time, we don’t want to ever idolize it.
We don’t want to put it over God or even God’s love for us. I want you to take time out to talk with the Lord when you feel as if nothing is changing fast enough for you. I want you to always be real with God when you do feel lonely or even down. God understands, but at the same time don’t stay in that place. There are billions of things to do and if you need help to grow ask the Lord to send you God fearing people in your life to mingle with. The Lord is good at setting up friendships and also comforting his children.samantha-sophia-210754

You are NEVER alone even if your feelings tell you otherwise.

I have had times in my life where people have asked me if I am dating someone. I quickly say no and move on with the conversation in a graceful way. I am not shocked by how society wants us to feel. I just know what the Lord has told me. I have also had great conversations with people who are waiting on the Lord as well. It has encouraged me to keep focused on the Lord and to smile because we all have feelings! I want you to look at your life in a different way today. I want you to look at your accomplishments with the Lord and take a deep breath! Thank Him for His goodness and also enjoy every lesson you learn during your single season.
I have also realized that it’s okay to enjoy my single season. I want you to know that you don’t have to be afraid that you will be single forever. Look at your season through a kingdom perspective. No one will ever be able to complete you like God can. Yes, at the Lord’s time someone will compliment you, but he still won’t be perfect. If you think that someone will be able to do all God can do. You may need to do more reflecting and allow God to really work inside of your heart. We have to let God mature us and not get down to the point of desperation. The Lord is working right now on it all, but all you have to do is trust him. If the Lord helped you before don’t you think he will do it again? (Proverbs 3:5-6)

matheus-ferrero-176140I know life is full of surprises but enjoy the ride. Just make sure that you let God into the areas of your heart that still needs growth and healing. (Psalm 147:3)

He isn’t mean He is just working it all out for your good. (Romans 8:28) Remember it’s okay to still be single at whatever age. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Don’t rush past God’s specific time. He will reveal it all to you when you are ready. Prepare your heart to serve others and constantly focus on seeking him. He is above your questions and even your feelings. His timing is perfect and He knows exactly what He is doing.

Infertility in Marriage, Whose Fault is it? – Designed.LIFE

In medical school, during our obstetrics and gynecology posting, we were taught the World Health Organization definition of infertility;

“The inability of a COUPLE to conceive after a year of regular, adequate, unprotected sexual intercourse”.

Emphasis was laid on the word couple as it has been discovered that infertility is not often because of just one partner. In fact, it is 30% woman’s factor, 30% man’s factor, 30% both of them and 10% unknown.
In Africa, especially Nigeria, it is normal for the woman to bear the brunt of being ‘infertile’ while the man is seen as the victim who can never be responsible for the childless state of the marriage.

Also, extended family members are very eager to use the term ‘infertile’ once some months pass and the wife is not showing signs of being pregnant. This is especially true of the husband’s family, especially his mother. This puts unnecessary pressure and stress on the marriage and on the wife which can even delay conception the more. A woman who is stressed, under pressure, anxious or fearful disturbs her hormonal balance and can further delay


Also, extended family members are very eager to use the term ‘infertile’ once some months pass and the wife is not showing signs of being pregnant. This is especially true of the husband’s family, especially his mother. This puts unnecessary pressure and stress on the marriage and on the wife which can even delay conception the more. A woman who is stressed, under pressure, anxious or fearful disturbs her hormonal balance and can further delay childbearing.


So, it is important for her to be at ease as much as possible.

Things are made much easy when the cause of infertility can be traced to either husband or wife or both of them. The treatment options, if any, can be commenced on time. It is a different ball game entirely when the cause of infertility is unknown. The analysis of the man’s seminal fluid came out satisfactory, he is able to have sex adequately and he does not have problems with ejaculation.

The woman’s vagina and cervix are not hostile to his sperm, her womb (uterus) is free of fibroids, inflammation, nd infections, her tubes are patent and her ovaries are functioning properly.
Both of them are fine.

It is at this point many resort to non-medical options which may or may not bring solutions. Some may even worsen things as the previously fit man/woman is suddenly unfit because of things they were told to use or do.
For these couples, there are options available:
1.  Adoption
2. Assisted Reproduction Techniques
3. Surrogate mothers, sperm donors.

Of course, there are cultural and/or religious reasons why people would not opt for any of these options. But people have, and they are happier for it. Besides, nobody needs to know how the couple went about it. All that becomes public notice is, “we were once without child but now we are”.

Infertility should not be the end of life or any marriage.


It is unfair to hastily label the woman as the cause of childlessness. The husband could be at fault and it could be both of them. It could even be neither of them. No couple should be pressurized by relatives about conceiving early in their marriage. Research has shown that 60% of couples get pregnant within 6months of marriage, 80-85% within a year, 90% within 2 years and some 10-15% never get pregnant. Every couple differs from the next.


My Very Un-American Wedding

Never Marry But For Love

Never marry but for love; but see that thou lovest what is lovely. He that minds a body and not a soul has not the better part of that relationship, and will consequently lack the noblest comfort of a married life. Between a man and his wife nothing ought rule but love.

As love ought to bring them together, so it is the best way to keep them well together.
A husband and wife that love one another show their children that they should do so too.
Others visibly lose their authority in their families by their contempt of one another, and teach their children to be
unnatural by their own examples. Let not enjoyment lessen, but augment, affection; it being the basest of passions to like when we have not, what we slight when we possess. Here it is we ought to search out our pleasure,
where the field is large and full of variety, and of an enduring nature; sickness, poverty or disgrace being not able to
shake it because it is not under the moving influences of worldly contingencies. Nothing can be more entire and without reserve; nothing more zealous, affectionate and sincere; nothing more contented than such a couple,
nor greater temporal felicity than to be one of them.
William Penn

And She Called Him Lord: Eliminating the Fear of Submission

In the world of the independent woman, being submissive to your husband is a taboo topic. Many modern day women wouldn’t consider taking on the submissive role in their relationship. Many men consider the lack of submissiveness in women the reason for the breakdown of the family. Yet, the truth of the matter is, neither of the sexes truly understand the role submissiveness is supposed to play in a marriage. Wendy Magee’s book And She Called Him Lord: Eliminating the Fear of Submission”, tackles the role of submissiveness in a godly marriage.

“A woman has to understand her role as a single woman and then married,” Wendy said, “and a man has to understand his role as a single man and then married.”

Wendy was hit with the inspiration for her book at a marriage retreat with Franklin Avenue Baptist Church when the wife of a couple told her husband ‘and I will call you Lord’. When her husband asked if she would call him Lord, she responded with a resounding ‘no’. Shortly after being introduced to the concept, she started to truly understand what it really meant through her studying of the scripture, in particular, 1Peter 3:5-6, which says “For in this way in former times the holy women, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands and adapting themselves to them; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you have become her daughters if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” “When Sarah called Abraham Lord, it was out of respect and honor,” Wendy said. “My book breaks down what the Bible is talking about in 1 Peter 3. About the woman submitting to her husband, the man honoring his wife, and how they are heirs together.” “It wasn’t something that I never thought I would do. Once I got the revelation my husband said ‘I think you should write a book on it.’” Wendy said. “I was never a poet or anything like that. I’m a go-getter. So, when he challenged me to write a book, I did a lot of research and I just started writing.”



Wendy, who is originally from Port Arthur, TX, obtained her Bachelor’s at Wiley College in Criminal Justice. She also has a Master’s Degree in Human Services from Lubbock Christian University. She works as the Director of Operations for CASA Jefferson, an organization that helps children that are removed from their homes and placed in foster care situations due to instances of reported abuse or neglect. “It kind of just fell into my lap. I was in criminal justice and I wanted to work with young people,” Wendy explained how she got started with CASA Jefferson. “When I moved here to New Orleans, I got acquainted with the non-profit. I started as a supervisor and worked my way up to Director of Operations.”

Wendy attends Mount Carmel Ministry. She is also an Ordained Minister under the leadership of Apostle Arthal Thomas Sr., and she works, alongside her husband, with youth and young adults in the ministry. Wendy said, “Me and my husband minister to couples.” And She Called Him Lord is her contribution to help married couples make godly choices in their marriage. This book uses bible passages, starting with 1 Peter 3 (AMP), to understand how God truly wanted the role of submission to play in a marriage for both the husband and wife. By using examples of biblical couples such as Sarah and Abraham, she breaks down the meaning of being a virtuous woman, why a husband should be honoring his wife, as well as many other concepts that are normally left out of the conversation when speaking about submissiveness. There is something for both wives and husbands to learn from And She Called Him Lord. “I didn’t want to tailor it too much to a woman, or for it to be one-sided,” Wendy said, “because, in order for a marriage to work, it has to be both parties.”


Wendy wrote And She Called Him Lord within four months. Her goal was to create a book that would give her readers the tools to overcome their fear of submission, as well as strengthen godly marriages so that couples may “experience the love of God that will enhance intimacy.” The book gives the reader a chance to answer questions in order to get an in-depth look at how the topics and themes affect them personally. “My hope is to restore broken marriages,” said Wendy.

She has been married to her husband, David Magee, Jr. for ten years. They have two beautiful children, Kaleb and Kyrie. “When I got the revelation myself, it changed the way my husband and I interacted. It changed the way we interacted around our children. And that’s what I want to see because there are too many broken marriages.” And She Called Him Lord recently won the Henri Award in the Christian Living Category for the Christian Literary Awards presented by Joy & Company in December of 2016. “I have really been led listening to the voice of the God,” Wendy said. “It really was divinely inspired.”


Wendy plans to expand the series with a study guide as well as making the current book available in other languages, such as Spanish. She is also in the writing stage for a study guide. She hopes to continue to write book series that focus on bettering couples through scripture. For now, though, she is focusing on spreading the word about And She Called Him Lord through her new ministry “Speak Up”, in hopes of reaching the people who truly need to hear the messages and lessons written within its pages. Speak Up is a ministry dedicated “Lifting up marriages and relationships through edification and empowerment.” It comes from the scripture Ephesians 4:2-3 “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

“I’m not looking to get rich or become a millionaire,” Wendy said. “I just hope that people’s marriages are restored and that this book continues to get passed on to different people.” And She Called Him Lord: Eliminating the Fear of Submission is available at Gospel Bookstore in Gretna, LA, Amazon, and on Wendy’s website It is also available in audio form at and on iTunes.


choices when you are in love

Confusion: How love Turns Simple Choices Into Pendulum

Swinging in the valley of uncertainty
A mountain of joy, to the west
A mountain of sorrow, to the east
Like a pendulum
Dangling between extremes of hope and despair
I’. ~ Eunice



Man’s greatest weapon is the ability to choose. Sometimes, he is unable to choose; and he is the hands of a clock dancing around its face. Other times he leaves his choices to others; like the pendulum triggered by an external force. He keeps dancing between two extremes until he overcomes that force and becomes free.
There are circumstances where we find ourselves caught in the body of a pendulum, and choices become harder than they should be. You desire a relationship with someone. Maybe you just want to start being a part of a guy’s life, notwithstanding the apprehensions of the monotonous life ‘couples’ seem to experience. You are eager to find variations that would spice up the relationship; and like switching days between ‘bae-on-specs’ and ‘bae-without-specs. Also a switch from ‘bae-with-makeup’ to ‘bae-without-makeup’ on other days.

But this same guy you love is the external force in your pendulous life. He is neither here nor there, and he is not sure of what he wants. He shows no sign of being ready to be committed to you, yet you find your life tilting to his emotional dictates. His smiles complete your existence, He is upset and you are ready to commit suicide. Yet, he is the type you find out is in a relationship, the realization settling in your throat like gall. When you decide to pull away and find peace, he is the one to pull you back, professing undying love.

With him, you are between extremes of hot and cold, near and far, sweet and bitter, high and low. You love him, and he says he loves you but there is no possibility of a future between both of you. You know this well.
Wielding one’s weapon to choose means being your own hero. It means stepping forward, stepping out and stepping away. There is nothing delightful in the life of the pendulum. It gets weary of it’s to and fro journeys and those watching it get dizzy.

If you decide your fate, you will find love or love will find you eventually. Either way, you will learn to appreciate that every sunrise in the life of the clock’s hand differs from the next and yesterday’s sunset bears no resemblance to tomorrow’s sunset.
The pendulum cannot boast of this.

a cheat boyfriend

What Should Women do when Men Cheat?

I once heard a friend of mine say, “all men cheat”. She went on to narrate the usual mournful tale of how her once upon a time knight in shining armor started cheating on her with her sister who had come to stay with her for a few months. Of course, there was enough water from her eyes to mop the floor when she was done telling her story. Their marriage would be five years in few days and she was not even sure she still had a marriage.

Most of us have heard or read similar stories, some ladies have experienced it and we all are left with that question, “why do men cheat?” it is known that women also cheat even if in more coded ways than men. But, we cannot deny the accelerated and alarming rate amongst men. I am not sure there is an antidote or cure that works for all men.

In response to the question, here are some answers. From the men;

It’s nature: somehow, many men hold this opinion. They see cheating as an inevitable expression of their nature as men.

Women get boring: this is usually the reason given by married men who cheat. They claim their wives stop making efforts to stay as beautiful as they met them; they do little or nothing to spice things up ion the marriage.

Provocative dressing: with the background of a shabbily dressed wife or girlfriend, men are often confronted by other ladies who emphasize all their curves and expose their bodies a lot. This is temptation unbearably by most men.

Lost respect: some men claim they cheat only on women they have no respect for or have lost respect for. The lack of respect or lost respect could be due to varying reasons. The end result is the same, they cheat on them.

A search for something: from satisfying sex to a particular sex of children, men cheat when they seem not to be getting it from their ‘original’ woman.

There would be myriad of other reasons which every woman would count as dung, but not the man. To him, these reasons are as valid as anything can be. So, ladies, it seems without divine intervention, some men would still find reasons to cheat on you. So, pray! Then, do not be the one to give them a reason(s) to cheat. Keep up your A-game; don’t give in to the ‘it-does-not-matter-anymore’ syndrome. Dress good and amazing. Cook great meals. Don’t drop your education or career but don’t let them draw you away too much from your man. Make him your own! If he then still cheats, you have a clear conscience that you did not induce, incite or encourage him. You did your best.What to do and how to react if he does cheat is a topic for another day.

What to do and how to react if he does cheat is a topic for another day.




decisions we make in love

5 Big Decisions to make before you fall in Love

Falling in love is usually one of the best experiences one can have, but a lot of times it becomes more of a baggage than an adventure. It’s a very common feeling to struggle with unfinished projects, dreams left unattended. This loss of excitement may be transferred into a relationship and it becomes a sour experience to live with a person who you once desired to be with for the rest of your life. Decisions we ignore, end up niting us.

It’s really a wise decision to consider not making Love your crucial first decision, there are a lot of big decisions that need to be made and they define who you are much more than the person you choose to love. There are so many reasons why we get attracted to who we get attracted to, some of these reasons are built on decisions we usually ignore like:

1. Your Workplace:

choosing the kind of people you work with is very important, are their goals in line with your passion? Would you Job fuel your life or become a terrible burden before and after you fall in love?.

2. Family relations:

before you fall in love, family responsibilities need to be well thought out. It is usually burdensome for a young relationship when you carry along with you heavy responsibilities to your family that may question your commitment to your new relationship. The essence of “family introductions” as is common in some cultures is to also signify that the family on both sides are fully aware that you are now ready to place a higher priority of your commitment elsewhere.

3. Community:

what position do you hold in the various communities to which you are affiliated, you may need to strike a balance in these positions before cupid sends an arrow your way :). The local community, religious affiliations, leisure, and hobbies could become major sources of conflict in a relationship. Some communities may not be healthy for your relationship, make a choice of community wisely.

4. Friends:

closely related to your decision on the community is your choice of association; the friends you go out with and spend most of your time with. Healthy relationships are built on the support of healthy friendships, there are some friendships that would eventually threaten the security of your relationship.

5. Values:

it is important to have values, some standards you would never compromise or at least would hold on to when deciding who you are. Your values are the backbone of all other decisions, what do you hold in high esteem. These are issues and decisions you should settle before falling in love.


Love in itself is a beautiful thing and should not become a burden, yet for so many reasons it may turn out totally unlike what we expected. Making some crucial decisions before we fall in love is as important as deciding who we want to live the rest of our lives with.

Probably you are wondering how you could get more counsel on your Love life, Vivian has a wonderful answer for your questions on the designed life store. Get “Love, God and Sushi” or just browse the shop to pick out life changing resources that will push your Dreams closer, inspire you for greatness and guide your through major decisions in life.