10 Life Hacks for Better Interpersonal Relationships with People

Life is like a freight train, it sometimes has an open roof and people dump their baggage just as our paths cross. Imagine a night train passing through a lonely town. The people don’t have waste disposal systems and there are no waste collectors, so they stand by the rail line, eagerly waiting for the freight train at night.

The train slows down “CLING CLANG CLING CLANG” and then like bugs, parasites; they perch on the sides of the carriage and fling their rubbish onto the train. The gullible driver rides on none the wiser!

Productivity could become such an elusive concept that we find ourselves living other people’s realities. Here is a list of 10 simple hacks that enhance productivity:

1. You must not spend your days so involved that you fill it up with everyone’s agenda except your own. Have your own plans!

2. Do not take rest stops because you think everyone does so, don’t visit a friend because you think everyone is doing so. They may just hand you your next problem!

3. Strange Admirers always have motives, they eagerly wait for you to arrive, they perch on you like mosquitoes and fleece you of the little time you have.

4. Strange Admirers are the ones you have hardly known but they already love everything about you, it never lasts long.

5. Every human comes with a load of baggage and fights, you cannot be part of everyone’s battles. Pick the battles that affect you directly and let every other one slide.

6. One minute you are here and the next minute you are gone, life is too fleeting to attach importance to everything, everyone, every place. Be deliberate about what you allow in your limited time!

7. Don’t wave to the stragglers, they always have stories to tell. Rumour mongers always know something that happened to someone that started somewhere…… and on and on till half of life is spent on Idle chatter.

8. Gain momentum when things go downhill, the rail is fastest when the coach seems to be nosediving.

9. No one cares about you as much as they care about their rubbish, their need to transfer aggression, ill-feelings, burdens, usually outweighs whatever time and energy loss that it would cost you to participate in their drama. This is why everyone thinks everyone else should learn to be “loyal”, don’t trade loyalty for freedom.

10. Pay your dues, society develops the rail line, it is important only to take a break when you have to give back to society.

These are ideas that cut across religious and cultural differences, they would make a stronger person of you. It is not important so much to be influential as it is to be free, to be happy till death takes us.

I hope you have a great weekend as it approaches, drop your comments and tell me what you love about this post and any otherwise thoughts that would help my friends to live happier lives.

Damilola Jonathan O.

a cheat boyfriend

What Should Women do when Men Cheat?

I once heard a friend of mine say, “all men cheat”. She went on to narrate the usual mournful tale of how her once upon a time knight in shining armor started cheating on her with her sister who had come to stay with her for a few months. Of course, there was enough water from her eyes to mop the floor when she was done telling her story. Their marriage would be five years in few days and she was not even sure she still had a marriage.

Most of us have heard or read similar stories, some ladies have experienced it and we all are left with that question, “why do men cheat?” it is known that women also cheat even if in more coded ways than men. But, we cannot deny the accelerated and alarming rate amongst men. I am not sure there is an antidote or cure that works for all men.

In response to the question, here are some answers. From the men;

It’s nature: somehow, many men hold this opinion. They see cheating as an inevitable expression of their nature as men.

Women get boring: this is usually the reason given by married men who cheat. They claim their wives stop making efforts to stay as beautiful as they met them; they do little or nothing to spice things up ion the marriage.

Provocative dressing: with the background of a shabbily dressed wife or girlfriend, men are often confronted by other ladies who emphasize all their curves and expose their bodies a lot. This is temptation unbearably by most men.

Lost respect: some men claim they cheat only on women they have no respect for or have lost respect for. The lack of respect or lost respect could be due to varying reasons. The end result is the same, they cheat on them.

A search for something: from satisfying sex to a particular sex of children, men cheat when they seem not to be getting it from their ‘original’ woman.

There would be myriad of other reasons which every woman would count as dung, but not the man. To him, these reasons are as valid as anything can be. So, ladies, it seems without divine intervention, some men would still find reasons to cheat on you. So, pray! Then, do not be the one to give them a reason(s) to cheat. Keep up your A-game; don’t give in to the ‘it-does-not-matter-anymore’ syndrome. Dress good and amazing. Cook great meals. Don’t drop your education or career but don’t let them draw you away too much from your man. Make him your own! If he then still cheats, you have a clear conscience that you did not induce, incite or encourage him. You did your best.What to do and how to react if he does cheat is a topic for another day.

What to do and how to react if he does cheat is a topic for another day.

 

 

 

sickle cell anemia threatens love

What Would You Do If Sickle Cell Anemia Threatens to Complicate Your Simple Love Stories

“Let me die,” that was what nine-year-old Abiye said to me as I sat down beside her bed to give her the next dose of ibuprofen in the bid to reduce her pain levels as much as possible. This was her 3rd admission in the space of a year and maybe her 7th or 8th since she was diagnosed. She had lost count. I watched her clench her teeth as the pain came again; she made no effort to conceal her tears.“I wish I was not born, this is too much…”

“Sometimes I wish I was not born, this is too much…”I hugged her and allowed her to cry. It was one thing she could choose to do herself. She definitely did not choose to be a sickle cell anemia patient. She was suffering the consequences of her parent’s decision to get married despite foreknowledge of their genotypes; AS and AS.

I hugged her and allowed her to cry. It was one thing she could choose to do herself. She definitely did not choose her life. She was suffering the consequences of her parent’s decision to get married despite foreknowledge of their genotypes; AS and AS. She looked smaller than her age, thin with long arms and fingers and a beauty worth staring at. Her English was perfect and her mannerisms reflective of her rich family with high social standards. She got all the care needed during all her crisis which was not the same for her other suffering friends.

Her parents had been close friends for years having known each other since they were little. Their families often joke about their future marriage and how perfect it would be. Life happened at some point and they separated her father to Canada and her mother to Ghana. They came back years later, well-educated and still madly in love. Preparations for their wedding commenced in earnest.

The local church asked both of them to have genotype tests. The results came like a shock wave to them all. It had never occurred to either of them. They just assumed. They both knew the possible implications; every conception had the 25% risk of being a sufferer. All their children might ‘escape’, all might be ‘trapped’, it might be 50-50 and it could just be one of them… which was Abiye’s case. She was sandwiched between two healthy siblings, ‘Normal’ siblings. For her parents, it had been a battle of survival as being in and out of hospitals more often than even some doctors definitely had its toll on their marriage. Before marriage, they had teased that their love was stronger than any sickler’s crisis.

This was gradually proving to be wrong as their annoyance, irritability, guilt and blame-game were not child’s play. Their other children were not spared from the constant hospital feature in Abiye’s life. Her parents were prepared to give and spend all. But were they ready to grant her wish for death?

What we all want is Love

 More than anything, we all wish to find love that would last a lifetime. We want to be with that person without whom we are empty. But we sometimes forget that marriage goes beyond the two lovebirds unless there is an agreement not to have children. The husband get’s castrated or the wife ties her fallopian tube for such an. As long as children would feature someday, certain things like genotype compatibility should not be taken for granted. Of course, unexpected things sometimes happen to those with compatible genotypes. But, eating pepper soup with your eyes wide open is taking a great risk with knowledge of the possible consequences. Yes, some couples are lucky and all their children are healthy and normal. Yes, some have sickle anemic children and they are managing well. The question is if you and your love are not lucky, and your child or all your children are sufferers; can you bear to watch them go through all that? Would you be able to provide for all their needs health wise? Can your marriage stand in the face of such a storm? Can you not avoid it? Think about it.

Are Friends Worth ‘Fighting’ For? – Living a Designed Life

sThat depends on your definition of friends, doesn’t it?

A friend is someone you know well and regard with affection even trust. That is the dictionary definition. Friendships are functions of several parameters. It involves emotions, time invested in certain relationships. It is not new to have trust broken among friends. Some couples never looked like they could ever breakup, they were so cute together. We suddenly hear news of their failed relationships and we wonder what could have gone wrong. It could be confusing, Why didn’t they hold on a little bit longer? What happened to their friendship?

Have you ever had to deal with someone who is opinionated and not ready to back down? Isn’t it exerting having to repeat yourself to a friend, even though they are determined to not understand your plight? They are convinced you are on the wrong track even if you are sure you are not. These friends take it upon themselves to correct you unnecessarily under the umbrella of friendship. Some friends will never ever agree with you even if the decision is yours because they believe they could have done better.

You both would like to believe you have the best interests of each other at heart yet you cannot deny how exhausting it really is having to go through a rollercoaster of emotions and fights in the name of friendship.

Some fights are not even worth it

Yet some of us cannot get ourselves to avoid it. We even extend it to people who are not our direct friends just because our so called friends are involved in it but that is not entirely wise. Do not join the wagon just because you want to be associated with a certain cause no matter what it is or who is involved in it especially when it is not noble. When the chips are down, the people who you fought for may or may not stick around probably because they are smart enough to know when not to engage or just too busy choosing their battles and selecting their arms.

It is better to fight your own fight and stop dragging other people in as a backup. Friendship is not an excuse to misbehave just because the other person is doing same.

We should all respect people, irrespective of their choices. It is your responsibility as a friend to support, encourage and protect each other without lording it over or resorting to violence when threatened. There is no hierarchy in friendship but there are boundaries. We all have a purpose and there is a time for everything. A time to draw the curtains and allow the sun in,  to shut the world out and do your own thing. There is the time to defend and a time to correct A time to disagree and a time to agree.

Friends or acquaintances come in different packages and each with a different gift or baggage. You just have to know who to keep, what to sift through and when to let go.

5 Steps to Family Reconciliation

Sometimes we slam the door behind us, we slam it so hard that we cannot turn back. This is not because we have not forgiven, memories of how we slammed those doors hold us back. Memories could be our greatest enemies, they keep us far away from reconciliation. It could be easier to say “forgive and forget” than to actually forget what was done. How then can we repair these memories? What can we do about them?

Sometimes our spouse says horrible things in the heat of the moment. There are times our children say hurtful things to us as parents and other times people we once respected act terribly. We forgive or allow time to heal our wounds but reconciliation may never occur.

What is Reconciliation?

The reestablishment of friendly relations; of atonement conciliation or rapprochement (theology). The end of estrangement between a human and God as a result of atonement; more specifically.

Just as Christ came to reconcile us to God, we have all been given a ministry of reconciliation. A large part of our existence requires brokering peace because there are several reasons for divisions even within a nuclear family. Understanding that distance and offense estrange us, should help the healing process. Reconciliation is required when there is a break in communion. Without communion, the bond of love is broken and family dies a gradual death.

There is no rule book for how reconciliation can be achieved but here are five things we can do:

1. Make amends: it is not advisable that we simply shake hands and forget the wrong that has been done. It may be necessary to open up and take actual steps to correct or amend the wrong that has been done.

2. Communicate: This usually comes before making amends, there is a need to reestablish communication. When trust is broken, communication becomes herculean and this usually contributes to the estrangement.

3. Take responsibility: there may be nothing more annoying than a person who blames other people or circumstances for their wrongdoing. Every party to a fight should own their mistakes and let the aggrieved individuals know they are aware of their wrongdoing. Don’t say “but if it was not for…..” just accept that you did something awful and make moves to rectify. AMEND.

4. Give Second Chances: Some of us are quite vengeful, we have steel armored doors guarding our hearts. The love of God is wider and bigger, if he forgives us our many transgressions then we should be ready to forgive people their fault.

5. Expect imperfection: being a perfectionist may be one of the attributes of those who find reconciliation difficult, sometimes we should make allowance for human flaws. People are bound to make mistakes and when we have this in mind, it becomes easier to make excuses for people and give second chances.

Jesus said if a person offends, we should forgive seventy times seven times which sounds quite impossible. I think the message in that statement is that we may be required to overlook and ignore as many faults as possible in pursuit of peace. When we desire peace, we may have to sacrifice our memories of the wrong done to us. It’s not like we do not remember the offense but we choose to make allowances for those we have chosen to love because Love in itself is a choice we make. Reconciliation requires us to make that choice daily!

decisions we make in love

5 Big Decisions to make before you fall in Love

Falling in love is usually one of the best experiences one can have, but a lot of times it becomes more of a baggage than an adventure. It’s a very common feeling to struggle with unfinished projects, dreams left unattended. This loss of excitement may be transferred into a relationship and it becomes a sour experience to live with a person who you once desired to be with for the rest of your life. Decisions we ignore, end up niting us.

It’s really a wise decision to consider not making Love your crucial first decision, there are a lot of big decisions that need to be made and they define who you are much more than the person you choose to love. There are so many reasons why we get attracted to who we get attracted to, some of these reasons are built on decisions we usually ignore like:

1. Your Workplace:

choosing the kind of people you work with is very important, are their goals in line with your passion? Would you Job fuel your life or become a terrible burden before and after you fall in love?.

2. Family relations:

before you fall in love, family responsibilities need to be well thought out. It is usually burdensome for a young relationship when you carry along with you heavy responsibilities to your family that may question your commitment to your new relationship. The essence of “family introductions” as is common in some cultures is to also signify that the family on both sides are fully aware that you are now ready to place a higher priority of your commitment elsewhere.

3. Community:

what position do you hold in the various communities to which you are affiliated, you may need to strike a balance in these positions before cupid sends an arrow your way :). The local community, religious affiliations, leisure, and hobbies could become major sources of conflict in a relationship. Some communities may not be healthy for your relationship, make a choice of community wisely.

4. Friends:

closely related to your decision on the community is your choice of association; the friends you go out with and spend most of your time with. Healthy relationships are built on the support of healthy friendships, there are some friendships that would eventually threaten the security of your relationship.

5. Values:

it is important to have values, some standards you would never compromise or at least would hold on to when deciding who you are. Your values are the backbone of all other decisions, what do you hold in high esteem. These are issues and decisions you should settle before falling in love.

 

Love in itself is a beautiful thing and should not become a burden, yet for so many reasons it may turn out totally unlike what we expected. Making some crucial decisions before we fall in love is as important as deciding who we want to live the rest of our lives with.

Probably you are wondering how you could get more counsel on your Love life, Vivian has a wonderful answer for your questions on the designed life store. Get “Love, God and Sushi” or just browse the shop to pick out life changing resources that will push your Dreams closer, inspire you for greatness and guide your through major decisions in life.