Featured image from Nordstrom.com

A Man’s Guide to Buying Lingerie for his Lady

Most men know nothing about picking out lingerie, which is understandable because it can be confusing. What type of lingerie to buy, what size, what color – how is a man to know? Here is a little guide to help you when choosing lingerie for that special someone.
There are a few things to consider before you go out. What does she like? Remember that you will not be wearing this – she will and you should go out with the intent on getting something she will like. If she is not into Lacey, tiny, see-through teddies, chances are if you buy that, she will not be in much of a mood to wear it and you may never see it. So keep what she likes in mind.

If you do not know, check out her nightgown/lingerie drawer before you leave. Check for material type (cotton, silk, etc.), colors, and most importantly, size. She may be flattered if she wears a large and you get her a small, but if she wears a small and you buy her a large, you may find yourself in trouble. Avoid anything that says “control” on the label. Those items are used to firm and flatten tummies and rears and she would probably not appreciate receiving them as a gift.

Another thing to remember is if the store offers to wrap the lingerie let them. Dainty lingerie will look better in their wrapping than if you wrap it in the paper left over from your cousin’s birthday. The presentation is part of the package with lingerie. Also, if you are uncomfortable in the store, check out online stores that sell lingerie. You can always start at Victoria’s Secret, but most major department stores like Macys and Nordstroms also sell lingerie. Final note – remember to keep your receipt just in case it is the wrong style, size, or color.

Now, what type of lingerie is available?

Just about anything you can think of! Ask yourself what the occasion is. Is this to let her know you love her? If so, something crotchless or see-through probably will not send that message. But, if it is for Valentine’s Day or your anniversary, something a little more risqué might be appreciated. Bras alone have many different styles including push-up, plunge, gel filled, padded, underwire, seamless, backless, strapless, open cup, and unpadded.

If you are purchasing a bra and panty set, always check out what she has in her drawer beforehand and definitely make note of the size – of both the bra and panties. Most places sell at least one pair of panties that match each bra, but some will sell several so you can mix and match. It will help to know what type of panties she likes to wear too – thongs, briefs, or high cut bikini.

When it comes to sleepwear, it can be just as confusing. One type of sleepwear is baby doll pajamas. They usually have very thin straps, a plunging V neckline, and are very short with matching panties. You will find most of these made out of silk or satin, materials that always make a woman feel good about herself. But, if she feels her breasts are too big or too small or thinks her stomach is too big, you might want to avoid baby doll pajamas.

There are slips and chemises. Similar to the baby doll pajamas, these are a little longer and a little better at concealing problem areas such as breasts, butt or stomach. They too are usually made of silk or satin.

Gowns are full-length versions of the babydoll. Many are see-through or Lacey and can help put your woman in the mood. Babydolls, slips, chemises, and gowns may also come with a robe.

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A pajama set might not sound too sexy, but if it is silky, and buttons up the front, it can make your woman feel very sexy, especially if she is a plus size (size 18 or larger). Boxer sets have become very popular lately. The tops are tight, with thin straps and usually a V neckline, although there are boxer sets with normal t-shirt tops.

If you are really looking for lingerie to spice up your love life, take a look at Frederick’s of Hollywood (available online). They have been selling sexy lingerie for over 50 years. They have a wide variety of garter belts, bustiers, corsets, teddies (similar to the babydoll, but one piece), crotchless panties, and fishnet stockings – items that may not be available at many stores that sell lingerie.

What type of lingerie you should get your love depends on a lot on her self-esteem. Many big women love sexy little teddies, but some will shy away from them, for fear of exposing too much of themselves. Most stores sell lingerie in plus sizes, which are a little less revealing. If she is really athletic, a boxer set might be something she would like. Thin women will look good in anything, but especially teddies, corsets, and babydolls.

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When shopping for lingerie, try to keep in mind what she likes. If you purchase something similar to the lingerie she already has and in colors you know she likes, it will probably make her happy. But, keep the receipt just in case!

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4 Points To Help You Navigate During Your Single Season

There are times during your single season where you will have to look beyond what you see. It’s easy to say that you enjoy your single season when all is going well, but when your life gets difficult it’s not as easy. I strongly believe that you have to embrace what is in front of you. You have to embrace the season you are in by looking at God as your focus. When you focus on your circumstances it will cause you to not take hold of what God wants to do in your life. Your single season doesn’t have to be perfect, but you can love the journey. I know you may not always like it, but you can enjoy YOU. You can navigate this season with grace and power. You can learn lessons about yourself that can only be learned when you surrender every ounce of your life to God. You can’t view the world as your guide and God. You have to use the word of God as your guide because he can see what you can’t see.
In my own season of singleness, I am learning that the word of God has to be my foundation. As I am seeking the Lord I am noticing that there are areas of my foundation that needs to be built back up and established. I pray that you would look at your personal walk with God and break apart your habits. Take time to break apart your choices and your heart. Take time to see what motivates you and figure out how to love you more. Take time to figure out how to be selfless and compassionate. Don’t just try to make it through your single season because that isn’t the purpose. You have to pick up each lesson no matter how hard or how easy. You have to store it and cultivate it. God doesn’t waste your pain or even waste your high moments. He uses it to pull his calling out of you and he teaches you to trust him as you walk through this season. You can’t trust God only when everything’s going right in your life. If you do this you will never understand what truly trusting God means. God doesn’t want you to feel like you are forgotten during this walk or left alone. You might be single right now and you still feel like you don’t even know what to really do during this season.

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Here are 4 points that can help you navigate during your season of singleness.

1. Use the word of God
Some of us are not walking in power and authority in this season because we are constantly looking for people to help us every second. God wants us to use his word as a weapon against the enemy. We must pick up that Bible. God wants his children to use the word of God as a tool for every question we have and even for comfort. We can’t just expect to walk in this season with peace when we haven’t even taken the time to pull out the word of God. We have to take the time out to meditate on the word of God and speak it. The word of God is powerful when we use it and speak it. We must apply it and call on the Lord every single day. (Hebrews 4:12)

2. Have many conversations with God
Don’t just have one conversation with God and expect to just be at peace for the rest of your single season. God wants to have deep long conversations with you. He wants to talk with you and have fun with you. Yes, God wants to have fun with you! He doesn’t want to just rush you through your single season and not teach you something. Start asking the Lord questions and start learning what it means to just sit with him. God wants to do stuff with you and he wants you to acknowledge him in all you do. (Proverbs 3:6)

3. Don’t allow challenges during this season to stop you
We all face many hard challenges. I wish I could tell you that you will get out of them at a specific time. God doesn’t want you to face each situation alone. Take time to fall on your face with God. Take time to have quiet time with God even during rough times. Don’t allow the enemy to confuse you or make you think that God is causing you all of this pain. During your season of singleness, you need time to get away with the Lord. You can’t just sit in this season and not go into your prayer closet or prayer area. You can’t do this season by yourself. You must hear from the Lord during this special season. You must look at what is going right in this season. He has wisdom and answers for you as you seek him. (Matthew 6:33)

4. Do God fearing productive activities
Sometimes, people think waiting on God in this season means doing nothing. No! Seek and pray with the Lord. Ask him to show you Bible activities and groups. Spend time with God fearing friends and work on your talents. Spend time with God daily and watch Christian shows to get you closer to the king. Find ways to help and volunteer with your community. Help your church and don’t just think about yourself. God isn’t slow in coming. He wants you to move forward into your destiny. If you don’t know where to start just ask him. Wait on his answers and he will reveal to you the answers you need while you wait on him.

I pray that each point will help you navigate better in this season. You shouldn’t be bored at all. God has a plan that is beyond your understanding. Use each point to help you as you walk with the Lord in this season. You can also JOIN the 21 days of FAITH challenge, it’s FREE.

tolerance the different pieces on the board

Tolerance: a necessary spice for lasting marriage

I once stayed with three other ladies in a room for a month; it’s an experience worth remembering anytime and any day. It seems so difficult for ladies of the different race to stay in the same room for something close to a month without causing chaos and nursing grudges but I stayed with these ladies peacefully.

The magic was just tolerance. We tolerated each other’s shortcomings, tolerated each other’s faults, we tolerated each other’s wrongs, etc. The number of things we had in common could not measure up to the ones we didn’t have in common. That ought to have caused so much noise in the room every day.

Where am I heading to? What am I trying to deduce? It is simple. It is straight. The tolerance we apply in a relationship would no doubt make so life works out well. We don’t find so many things easy; we are all tolerating them and each other.

Tolerance in marriage is very important and very significant.

It makes the partners understand themselves and give the deserved respect to one another. The husband snores, you don’t snore and you don’t like it. The wife doesn’t cook some food because it makes her vomit, and those are the ones you like. The husband likes the light on at night, you don’t like it. You wife likes the fan on, you don’t. If care is not taken, this husband and wife cannot live happily.

This is when tolerance comes in, you must be able to tolerate one another to avoid frequent scuffle. Strive to make peace at every slight mistake and apologise almost immediately. So far the both of you were not raised by the same parent, you should expect differences. Children that were nursed and tutored by the same parent don’t behave the same way; so, don’t expect that from those that were raised by different parents.

Tolerance shouldn’t come in some aspects in marriage; let it work in all aspects of marriage. The best of marriages you see are not perfect; they only tolerate those things divorced couples couldn’t tolerate. You have to learn to tolerate some shortcomings from your partner if you want a peaceful marriage. Human beings are not perfect, your imperfection cannot look appealing to everyone but it must definitely look to your partner and let it vice versa.

 

 

how to move on

HOW TO DEAL WITH A PARTNER THAT HASN’T MOVED ON WITH HIS/HER EX

Many times, some people find it very difficult to move on after they’ve been hurt by love, they find it hard to fall in love again and might be aloof in an existing relationship. Others might find it hard to fall in love again. If you are unlucky enough to be dating a person still strung up on their EX, then we have some tips that could possibly help you. Dating such person can make you feel inferior especially when he or she constantly talks about an ex every time. You might get jealous but you don’t want to leave because you are sincerely in love. The truth is they can still love but it takes time, so what are the things to look out for? How can you help with the “healing” process? Or better still you might scrap all this and just walk away.

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Don’t know if your partner hasn’t moved on with an ex?

There are signs to look out for:

• Talks about the ex every time you are together
• Checks the ex every time on social media, calls, and with text messages.
• Feels happy talking about the ex.
• A little scuffle would always result in ‘had it been it was my ex’
• Would never want you to have any relationship with his/her family

Now, having noticed these signs, the next plan of action, if you must, is to help your partner get over an ex. A partner that doesn’t get over an ex, brings stagnancy to the relationship they are presently in.

How to GET THE SPRUNG OUT!

• The best way to deal with your partner is to have a one on one conversation. Communicate about how you feel, ask questions politely, and just simply discuss.
• When you ask questions about the ex, make sure they are not questions that make it seem like your partner shouldn’t care about them. Don’t say ‘why can’t you just get over them? or what is it that interests you this much that you can’t get over it?’ Such questions could make your partner get upset and would possibly shut them up.
• When the ex-lover comes into a conversation, redirect the conversation to your present relationship.
• Spend quality time with your partner, get to know why the ex-lover is so important to them.
• Crack jokes with the ex’s name involved and yours. Making light of the situation reduces tension
• Because your partner hasn’t gotten over the ex-lover doesn’t give you an excuse to create a close relationship with your own ex-lover. A healthy relationship cannot survive on revenge.
• Ask questions from your partner’s friends about their former lover. Ask simple questions about them and what makes your partner still hung up on the relationship etc.
• Talk about the future with him. Know their plans for the relationship.
• Give it time. Don’t be in a haste to quit when you know he is yet to move on.

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If all of these fails then MOVE ON

I believe a man or woman might find it hard to move on from a relationship but it’s not in our place to force someone to love us. If all else fails, take a walk! Do not manipulate, cajole, or coerce anyone to love you. Real relationships are never forced or are they ever based on pretense.

family involvement in relationships

The Extremes of Family Involvement in Relationships: Up to this Point and no More.

‘Our Family Wedding’, a 2010 romantic comedy film is a must watch! Apart from the funny scenes and face off between the fathers of the bride and groom, there are many lessons to be learnt about the involvement of parents and family members in the life of the couple. One statement I can’t forget from the movie is, “it’s your marriage but it is their (the families) wedding”.
There are two extremes to how involved the extended family could be in the affairs of a couple, newly wedded or not. They could be over involved and they could be very much uninvolved.

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Pre courtship:

the over-involved family dictates the specifications for the type of person their daughter or son can date and/or marry. Some families even decide who the wife or husband would be without the knowledge or consent of the child. They select the one they think is best and present him/her to their child, expecting their decision to be accepted with open arms or otherwise, forced down the child’s throat.
On the other hand is the family that really does not care. They say and show you that it is your life, do whatever you want. Even when the child needs their input or some encouragement, they get none. And if things do not work out as the child desired, they don’t say, ” I told you so” because they actually never said anything!

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Courtship:

the extremely involved family wants to know the timetable of the courtship or they would gladly draw one for you. They want to know when you and your fiancée/fiance argue and when and how you made up. They want to know how often you go on dates. If you have not gone on a date recently, they start asking questions. They are curious about your sex life, whether you are enjoying it or not and if you are using any form of protection. They can even give you condoms as birthday presents. Seriously!

Meanwhile, the family at the other end of the spectrum do not care if you are making babies under their roof. They do not want to know off your boyfriend is beating you every other day. Other times they are nonchalant to your excitement and they ignore the mention of dates with your sweetheart. They may not even know if you broke up with the last guy. It would still be, “hey Dave” even though Dave was your secondary school crush and you have dated four other guys since then.

The wedding

The wedding day for the extremely involved family belongs to them. They are in charge of what happens and what does not. They dictate the motions of the day. All you have to do is make an appearance with your bride/groom. In fact, they do not appreciate any input from you. They just want you to sit back and enjoy, whether you like their choices or not.
But for the other extreme, you are definitely on your own. You are lucky they even contribute financially to the wedding. They leave you to decide on everything pertaining to the wedding. And unless you insist on them doing certain specific things, you can be sure they won’t lift a finger. This can be really frustrating.

After the wedding:

This is where the extremely involved family can actually get on your nerves… Unless you are a mummy’s boy or daddy’s girl. This is the point where they should acknowledge your independence as a couple, able to make their own decisions. But, no, they still don’t get it. They would tell you where best to get a house to move into. Some families would indicate which room is best for the husband and wife, the type of furniture to buy, the type of interior decoration, etc. They want to know when you are getting pregnant and how you are preparing for the baby. If after a while, you aren’t pregnant, they start asking questions and seeking solutions for you, with or without your answers.

They set up panels to discuss your issues and settle your arguments once they get a whiff of them. One would say, they become a pain in the gluteal region. As for the uninvolved family, at this point, one might actually just appreciate their non-involvement and distance. Although, it might seem your ship has been abandoned but it still feels safe.

The extremely involved family is a common feature in African countries. This is because the extended family is eager to establish their presence. Developed countries often have more of the uninvolved family types. There is an emphasis on the nuclear family more than the extended family. It is more like, “no branching, no rooting”, every couple and family stand on its own.
Of course, there should be a balance. Everybody knows that. The issue is, how many families can find that balance

You are 28 years old and not married yet?!?!

Sometimes, life happens and some situations are out of your control. No matter what I want you to know that the Lord is good and his timing is sufficient for you. I am not knocking anyone right now who is seriously engaged or married. I am not knocking anyone who has gotten married at an early age. I am just speaking from my point of view. I noticed that sometimes this world and even people close to you have opinions about your life. They may even suggest you do certain things so you can get attention or maybe even a date. Yes, God sends great people into your life to help you or give advice, but we still need to seek the Lord. We need to know what He has told us and wait on Him no matter what people say. Sometimes, people who love us tell us stuff from the goodness of their heart, but we still need to follow what the Lord has said in his word. We still must follow what we know God is telling us to do deep from within no matter how long we may have to wait.

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I am currently 28 years old and I have realized that there is so much out there in the world that could discourage almost anyone about marriage especially Godly marriages.

Thank God we serve a God that wants us to view marriage from His point of view and from His perspective! I love to spend time with the Lord and have my quiet time. It really encourages my soul. Sometimes, this world wants you to rush in every area of your life and not even consult God about anything. I strongly believe that marriage is a beautiful gift from the Lord and if you have a desire for marriage it will happen at the Lord’s time according to his will. I am noticing so many people getting married at an early age. I think there is nothing wrong with it as long as the Lord has ordained it and willed it. I just believe that sometimes some singles as they get older can be discouraged or feel as if something is wrong with them. I want you to know that if you have ever felt like that it’s okay. The Lord understands how you feel, but there is nothing wrong with you. He just has a certain time for every area of your life. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 CEB) He has reasons that are beyond your understanding as well. He is a good father and He wants only the best for you.

I told God about 5 years ago that I would wait for the God fearing husband that He has for me. I would wait no matter how long it would take. I told God I would wait well and focus on my kingdom purpose. I wouldn’t wait around with a defeated mindset, but I would trust His timing for every area of my life.

I want you to look at your life right now and not your friend’s life. I want you to look at your life right now no matter how old you are and realize how good God is. I want you to look at your life right now and filter out everything that anyone has ever told you that doesn’t line up with what GOD said. I want you to look at your life right now and start really enjoying it. You may have situations that seem unfair or you may still be questioning God’s timing for your life. I want you to put aside your questions and really rejoice in the Lord in this season. No matter what stage you are in just rejoice! I want you to know that being in the season of singleness isn’t a time to wallow in self-pity or wonder why no one has asked to court you yet. Also, I want you to strongly know that there is more to life than wanting to be married. It is a magnificent desire, but at the same time, we don’t want to ever idolize it.
We don’t want to put it over God or even God’s love for us. I want you to take time out to talk with the Lord when you feel as if nothing is changing fast enough for you. I want you to always be real with God when you do feel lonely or even down. God understands, but at the same time don’t stay in that place. There are billions of things to do and if you need help to grow ask the Lord to send you God fearing people in your life to mingle with. The Lord is good at setting up friendships and also comforting his children.samantha-sophia-210754

You are NEVER alone even if your feelings tell you otherwise.

I have had times in my life where people have asked me if I am dating someone. I quickly say no and move on with the conversation in a graceful way. I am not shocked by how society wants us to feel. I just know what the Lord has told me. I have also had great conversations with people who are waiting on the Lord as well. It has encouraged me to keep focused on the Lord and to smile because we all have feelings! I want you to look at your life in a different way today. I want you to look at your accomplishments with the Lord and take a deep breath! Thank Him for His goodness and also enjoy every lesson you learn during your single season.
I have also realized that it’s okay to enjoy my single season. I want you to know that you don’t have to be afraid that you will be single forever. Look at your season through a kingdom perspective. No one will ever be able to complete you like God can. Yes, at the Lord’s time someone will compliment you, but he still won’t be perfect. If you think that someone will be able to do all God can do. You may need to do more reflecting and allow God to really work inside of your heart. We have to let God mature us and not get down to the point of desperation. The Lord is working right now on it all, but all you have to do is trust him. If the Lord helped you before don’t you think he will do it again? (Proverbs 3:5-6)

matheus-ferrero-176140I know life is full of surprises but enjoy the ride. Just make sure that you let God into the areas of your heart that still needs growth and healing. (Psalm 147:3)

He isn’t mean He is just working it all out for your good. (Romans 8:28) Remember it’s okay to still be single at whatever age. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Don’t rush past God’s specific time. He will reveal it all to you when you are ready. Prepare your heart to serve others and constantly focus on seeking him. He is above your questions and even your feelings. His timing is perfect and He knows exactly what He is doing.

5 reasons why talking about money can enhance a relationship

Thinking about combining finances with your significant other? Whether you’re getting married or just thinking about getting serious, talking about money can help couples understand each other and avoid unhappy surprises down the road. Here are five reasons why talking about money can enhance a relationship.

It makes couples happier.

Talking about things like spending, saving and debt may sound business-like and unromantic, but financial experts agree that money is a frequent topic of arguments in many relationships. In fact, according to a survey by the American Psychological Association, almost a third of adults with partners reported that money is a major source of conflict in their relationship.

“What I see when talking with couples is that learning how to resolve money disagreements – and there will be disagreements – helps build important relationship skills,” says Daniel Prebish, director of Life Event Services with Wells Fargo Advisors. “Those skills will be valuable both at the beginning of a relationship and likely for a couple’s entire time together.”

It helps couples connect by understanding what’s going on.

Couples should discuss pros and cons of combining finances versus keeping finances separate. According to research by Wells Fargo & Company, about half of couples choose to combine accounts, while the other half prefers separate accounts. Regardless of where you and your significant other fall in this spectrum, both people in a relationship should understand how their financial habits impact – positively or negatively – the life they are building together.

It helps couples track their short and long-term financial goals.

Be open with your significant other about your full financial picture. Questions that can help open the door to meaningful conversations include:

1. Are we paying ourselves first?
2. Do we have a safety net?
3. Are we paying all our bills on time, every time?
4. Have we reviewed our insurance needs in the last year?
5. Do we track our spending to know where our money is going every month?
6. Are we paying down high-interest-rate debt first?
7. Do we know where our credit stands?
8. Are we saving for retirement?

It helps couples afford the “extras” that make life fun.

Building a solid financial future shouldn’t mean forsaking enjoying life. When couples have a common understanding of how they’ll prioritize and manage their day-to-day finances like housing costs, grocery and utility bills, it’s easier to figure out where splurges fit in.

It helps avoid financial surprises.

Hearing your friends shout, “happy birthday” is a welcome surprise. What’s not welcome is suddenly discovering you can’t afford to pay this month’s bills or that retirement is farther away than a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Being up front about money issues and sharing complete financial information with your significant other helps avoid financial surprises that can add unnecessary stress to a relationship.

While discussing money may not feel romantic, it certainly is emotional. So how do you get started? Here are tips:

1. Admit the conversation can feel awkward, but commit to having it anyway.

2. Pick a mutually agreeable time. Your candle-lit Valentine’s dinner may not be the right setting. Pre-arranging the conversation will help ensure both people are mentally prepared.

3. Be open with your significant other. Share your values and opinions about spending and savings habits and goals you would like to achieve together.

4. Work at it. Commit to an annual meeting to talk about money, credit and whether you’re on track to achieve your financial goals.

By opening the lines of communication, you can get on the same financial page before joining financial forces.

 

(This article was written by Wells Fargo Advisors and Consumer Lending)

Wells Fargo Advisors is a trade name used by Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC and Wells Fargo Advisors Financial Network, LLC, Members SIPC, separate registered broker-dealers and non-bank affiliates of Wells Fargo & Company. Wells Fargo Consumer Lending Group provides products and services through Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. and its various affiliates and subsidiaries. Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. is a bank affiliate of Wells Fargo & Company.

Findings were a part of the 2016 Wells Fargo &Company’s “How American Buys and Borrows” survey. Over 2000 American adults ages 18 and older were surveyed. Survey results were not published in their entirety.

Article by BPT

Wait on God, Don’t Complain

 

There is something powerful that can happen when you wait on the Lord with good intention during your season of singleness. When you don’t complain and look at your season with thankfulness your perspective will be enlightened daily by the hand of God. Sometimes, we think waiting well means doing nothing. We often focus on our relationship status to change and we forget that’s not the purpose. The main focus of your single journey isn’t a status change or selfish gain. The main focus is seeking after God because he is good and learning how to grow your relationship with Him.

God is constantly changing you from the inside out, but it’s up to you to grab hold of his word and apply it. He isn’t trying to make you feel left out and alone. He is setting you apart in this particular season for His glory. There were many times in my single season where I felt like everyone else around me was getting the answers to the prayers they prayed, but me. I would see and hear praise reports continually and of course, I was happy for them. I just felt that at the same time as I waited on God and pursued His face I would feel like time was ticking for me. I would try my best not to complain, but when I had my quiet time with God I started to realize that my heart wasn’t full of praise. My heart was full of bitterness and frustration. I started to complain to the Lord during my quiet time instead of praising Him like I used to do. His word clearly mentions not to complain, but to live a clean life before the Lord.

 

Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Philippians 2:14-15 (NLT)

God spoke to me one day during my quiet time with him that His timing for every area of my life was His perfect timing and not my own. He spoke to me telling me that my heart had to be healed from past issues and He was making me whole. I felt relieved, but I also took the time to repent for doubting Him and not really trusting Him like I knew I should. I knew I had to take another step during that time to fully surrender every area of my season of singleness to the Lord and allow Him to take total Lordship over it all. You may have felt just like I did that everyone is progressing, but you. You may not understand why and you may even feel like you have done all you can on your end. God could be calling you to surrender every part of your heart to Him like I did one evening in my prayer closet. He could be telling you this very instant to trust Him in a fresh new way. God wants you to trust Him and know He will always be faithful to you. God is allowing certain circumstances during your single season to build your character and teach you contentment. God does nothing without purpose. This scripture of contentment is a beautiful scripture to meditate on and reflect on as you learn to wait well on the Lord.

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Philippians 4:11 (KJV)

There will be days in your personal life where you feel like you want to complain, but reflecting on what God has done in your past can realign your heart to God. When you take special time daily to refocus your thoughts on God and speak to Him about His faithfulness your whole season will change. When you start being more thankful for your single journey and looking for ways to develop a grateful heart you will see God guide you even in the choices you make. When you feel like irritation and the spirit of complaining is trying to creep up on you immediately call out to God for supernatural help right then. He will not only help you, but He will guide you past your frustrations. Let His will be done in your life and not your will. He understands what you desire, but when you wait well on Him He will honor you with your heart’s desire.

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Psalm 37:4 (NLT)

His plan and purpose for your singleness is full of adventure and wisdom. Don’t allow the waiting to make you move past the promises God told you. Let your heart be glad and enjoy learning more about God each day.

 

Contributor: Hanah St.Rose

Blogger-Entrepreneur-Writer-Speaker

Connect with Her: http://bookstroze.wixsite.com/rosesandworship

 

 

Porn has a Big Impact on Mental Capacity and Productivity

Years back I would intentionally stumble on porn sites,  I could be there for hours after that.

It was hard enough when porn was sold in VCD and DVD,  getting the right “stuff” could be very difficult. A lot of us got addicted to porn for some few reasons:

1.  Curiosity.
2.  Unsupervised internet surfing.
3.  Lack of intimacy.

A lot of experts have written on porn addiction. The major part I want to address in this post is the way it affects learning. I was a serious night reader as an undergraduate and also struggling with porn addiction. One of the toughest battles I had to fight was my consequential habit of blaming any academic lapse on the habit I had.

Religion Tags You
From the religious perspective,  a porn addict in most cases rarely gets the support of his peers which he requires to break the habit. Young student “Pastors” would spend hours preaching about the “sinful” nature of it. Many of them felt they could overcome their own struggles with it by being a constant condemnation to others.

I believe it worked for some but at the cost of constantly reminding others of their inabilities and indirectly weakening their resolve. It may seem “spiritual” to condemn people who are stuck to their screens but it eventually enslaves them the more.

The fact that porn is condemned as such a “total demon”,  most people associate God’s displeasure to porn. Then they go ahead to associate their failures to God’s displeasure.

WHAT PORN CAN DO TO YOU
Porn does not reduce your brain capacity. What it may do is:
1. Make you lose hours.
2. Induced fatigue,  from sleepless nights of looking for more erotic materials.
3. Increases your anxieties and reduces your capacity to handle anxiety.
4. Porn comes with mental and emotional strain.
5. It lowers self-esteem and ability to socialize.

The five points I have listed are the few things I personally noted those times,  I was smart and graduated as the second best in my class. As an undergraduate,  I excelled with my brains.

SOCIAL MEDIA IS GOOD AND BAD
Now,  I have come to understand that porn is one of the evil things social media has helped to build. It affects people in so many ways,  the fact that I could read well and pass my exams does not mean porn did not make me less productive. It made life very difficult and unbearable for me,  I always felt hypocritical. I felt dirty and lost confidence,  these are issues that could decimate an excellent student’s passion or drive.

Your brain may not be roasted by porn but it sets you on a path of self-judgment. It makes you lose a sense of direction,  especially when you have set high standards of living for yourself. It is good to listen to your heart and break that porn habit. I have not always been strong but I have understood that academic excellence is limited if I cannot face my fears (porn addiction) and I am happy I kicked the addiction while in university. Next time you want to read or do some office work and the temptation to surf porn creeps on you, just think about all the productive hours you are about to waste.

 

And She Called Him Lord: Eliminating the Fear of Submission

In the world of the independent woman, being submissive to your husband is a taboo topic. Many modern day women wouldn’t consider taking on the submissive role in their relationship. Many men consider the lack of submissiveness in women the reason for the breakdown of the family. Yet, the truth of the matter is, neither of the sexes truly understand the role submissiveness is supposed to play in a marriage. Wendy Magee’s book And She Called Him Lord: Eliminating the Fear of Submission”, tackles the role of submissiveness in a godly marriage.

“A woman has to understand her role as a single woman and then married,” Wendy said, “and a man has to understand his role as a single man and then married.”

Wendy was hit with the inspiration for her book at a marriage retreat with Franklin Avenue Baptist Church when the wife of a couple told her husband ‘and I will call you Lord’. When her husband asked if she would call him Lord, she responded with a resounding ‘no’. Shortly after being introduced to the concept, she started to truly understand what it really meant through her studying of the scripture, in particular, 1Peter 3:5-6, which says “For in this way in former times the holy women, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands and adapting themselves to them; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you have become her daughters if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” “When Sarah called Abraham Lord, it was out of respect and honor,” Wendy said. “My book breaks down what the Bible is talking about in 1 Peter 3. About the woman submitting to her husband, the man honoring his wife, and how they are heirs together.” “It wasn’t something that I never thought I would do. Once I got the revelation my husband said ‘I think you should write a book on it.’” Wendy said. “I was never a poet or anything like that. I’m a go-getter. So, when he challenged me to write a book, I did a lot of research and I just started writing.”

 

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Wendy, who is originally from Port Arthur, TX, obtained her Bachelor’s at Wiley College in Criminal Justice. She also has a Master’s Degree in Human Services from Lubbock Christian University. She works as the Director of Operations for CASA Jefferson, an organization that helps children that are removed from their homes and placed in foster care situations due to instances of reported abuse or neglect. “It kind of just fell into my lap. I was in criminal justice and I wanted to work with young people,” Wendy explained how she got started with CASA Jefferson. “When I moved here to New Orleans, I got acquainted with the non-profit. I started as a supervisor and worked my way up to Director of Operations.”

Wendy attends Mount Carmel Ministry. She is also an Ordained Minister under the leadership of Apostle Arthal Thomas Sr., and she works, alongside her husband, with youth and young adults in the ministry. Wendy said, “Me and my husband minister to couples.” And She Called Him Lord is her contribution to help married couples make godly choices in their marriage. This book uses bible passages, starting with 1 Peter 3 (AMP), to understand how God truly wanted the role of submission to play in a marriage for both the husband and wife. By using examples of biblical couples such as Sarah and Abraham, she breaks down the meaning of being a virtuous woman, why a husband should be honoring his wife, as well as many other concepts that are normally left out of the conversation when speaking about submissiveness. There is something for both wives and husbands to learn from And She Called Him Lord. “I didn’t want to tailor it too much to a woman, or for it to be one-sided,” Wendy said, “because, in order for a marriage to work, it has to be both parties.”

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Wendy wrote And She Called Him Lord within four months. Her goal was to create a book that would give her readers the tools to overcome their fear of submission, as well as strengthen godly marriages so that couples may “experience the love of God that will enhance intimacy.” The book gives the reader a chance to answer questions in order to get an in-depth look at how the topics and themes affect them personally. “My hope is to restore broken marriages,” said Wendy.

She has been married to her husband, David Magee, Jr. for ten years. They have two beautiful children, Kaleb and Kyrie. “When I got the revelation myself, it changed the way my husband and I interacted. It changed the way we interacted around our children. And that’s what I want to see because there are too many broken marriages.” And She Called Him Lord recently won the Henri Award in the Christian Living Category for the Christian Literary Awards presented by Joy & Company in December of 2016. “I have really been led listening to the voice of the God,” Wendy said. “It really was divinely inspired.”

 

Wendy plans to expand the series with a study guide as well as making the current book available in other languages, such as Spanish. She is also in the writing stage for a study guide. She hopes to continue to write book series that focus on bettering couples through scripture. For now, though, she is focusing on spreading the word about And She Called Him Lord through her new ministry “Speak Up”, in hopes of reaching the people who truly need to hear the messages and lessons written within its pages. Speak Up is a ministry dedicated “Lifting up marriages and relationships through edification and empowerment.” It comes from the scripture Ephesians 4:2-3 “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

“I’m not looking to get rich or become a millionaire,” Wendy said. “I just hope that people’s marriages are restored and that this book continues to get passed on to different people.” And She Called Him Lord: Eliminating the Fear of Submission is available at Gospel Bookstore in Gretna, LA, Amazon, and on Wendy’s website www.wendymagee.org. It is also available in audio form at audible.com and on iTunes.

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