chose to be that woman

Stop right now and decide to be the woman you always wanted to be

Oprah

When Oprah Winfrey decided to take responsibility for her life she never looked back. She moved ahead. What two new decisions could you make to move you ahead? She exhibited a tremendous change in her thoughts years ago when she decided, never again. Never again will I settle for less than I can be.

Stop right now and think of a moment of ecstasy. Something that gives you ecstasy. Make the picture bigger and brighter. Make the sounds clearer and louder. Now, make the feelings more intense. How good do you feel? This is called the mind-body connection. The mental side of it all. This is more powerful than you could have thought.

Mother Theresa

Most people think Mother Theresa started off this wonderful, compassionate person. She didn’t. She started a school teacher, one day walking down the streets of Calcutta she had an experience that little did she know it would change her life forever. She heard the cries of a sick man. She desperately tried to get him to a hospital, and at arriving at the first hospital was told they wouldn’t treat him because he was too poor. She pleaded with them that he was going to die and needed attention. Still, they refused. She took him all the way to a second hospital. There she was also told they wouldn’t treat him. She pleaded again. Finally, she went to a third, they refused also. Finally, the sick man died in her arms. She made a decision right there. As long as she is around, no one would suffer unnecessarily. These simple actions changed her life. Now she has left a trail of influence.

Photo by Shashank Sahay on Unsplash
Photo by Shashank Sahay on Unsplash

In Science

Doctors in ancient Egypt used feces on wounds. We now know this infuses the wound with bacteria, but back then it was accepted beyond a shadow of a doubt because that’s what everybody believed. Doctors used to prescribe a common drug called “DES” to pregnant women. Now we know it causes birth defects, and thousands of women are seeking damages for genital cancers and inability to conceive.

People believed the world was flat for hundreds of years, everyone believed it was flat, they were certain about that. How absurd does that come across to you now? Since a gentleman named Christopher Columbus sailed around the world and pointed out it was round, now everyone believes its round. Most people do what the majority does.

Liberation

On December 1st, 1955 a fiercely determined young black woman named Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white woman. Little did she know at the time, this one action would lead to steps that would change the future for years to come.

Stop and decide right now who you are committed to being, to take yourself to the next level. Decide right now that following through on this is an absolute must for you. Then work on living that truth; better yet, START NOW and see your life in a new light and carry on accordingly. Becoming a woman of distinction is possible and certainly something to look up to.

Character Over Reputation

Political and church leaders, actors and actresses, singers, writers, athletes, professors, engineers, doctors, lawyers and practically everyone (although they may not be even aware of what it truly means) are undoubtedly concerned about their reputation.

Even if we give high regards to integrity and dignity as values taught everywhere in the world, we have been continuously startled by news of moral downfalls. We’ve all heard of government officials being persecuted, famous professional athletes linked to drug usage, popular actors involved in crimes, businessmen alleged to have committed unethical practices, and preachers not measuring up to what is expected from them. Sadly, the list seems endless.

More than ever, there is a necessity for us to instill in ourselves not just good reputation, but more importantly, good character. Most of us are so concerned about our image

roxanne-desgagnes-83273– on how others may look at us. Let me make this clear though. I am not saying there is something wrong in assuring that we maintain a good image. A learned person knows better not to give more importance to reputation than his character. There is a big distinction between the two.

William Hersey Davis has this to tell us:

The circumstances amid which you live determine your reputation…
The truth you believe determines your character…
Reputation is what you are supposed to be…
Character is what you are…
Reputation is the photograph;
Character is the face…
Your reputation is made in a moment;

Your character is built in a lifetime…

Your reputation is learned in an hour;
Your character does not come to light for a year…
Reputation grows like a mushroom;
Character lasts like eternity…
Reputation makes you rich or makes you poor;
Character makes you happy or makes you miserable…
Reputation is what men say about you on your tombstone;
Character is what the angels say about you…

We must be able to master ourselves by knowing both our internal and external characteristics. Some people cannot see beyond the appearance, but the few who can see the importance of inner beauty is more sensible.

Let us cultivate an honest heart. It calls for conquering our weaknesses, fears, faults and other undesirable traits. Let us wage a war against our own faults because once we know what we are fighting against, then that will lead us to take the necessary steps in order to overcome such imperfections.

What aspects of life must be given more attention in order to develop an ideal attitude? The answer is good deeds because they endure. They are therefore more important than mere kind words and praises that may pass away like a wind that blows and constantly moves. By developing a good character, you also win for yourself a good reputation. Check out 21 days of Faith and Fearless and let’s build together. 

The Perfect way to be a Jack Of All Trades, I do it well so….

You may be familiar with the saying, “Jack of all trades and master of none.”

Well, I say, “Hooey.” That’s right. In fact, let me say it again. “Hooey.” It is perfectly possible to be a multi-passionate person and do several things well. Many, even. I’m a writer, a mother, a chef, a friend, an entrepreneur. Sometimes not all at the same time, but I do them all, and do them all well. But I think one reason many people can’t do many things well or think other people can’t, is a lack of creativity.

It takes a lot of gumption to juggle two small kids, a deadline on an article, a pan of spaghetti, and a friend who wants to talk about a problem at work.

It takes, even more, gumption, and creativity, to juggle five projects, and those same two kids and that same friend.

Sometimes the creativity is required to figure out how you can manage one thing later. “Eric, I know you want to show your new game to me right now, but actually, I’ve been asleep for about an hour. Could we do it in the morning?”

Sometimes the creativity is figuring out how to handle two projects at once. “Hmmm. If I write an article on creativity and writing, I could use it in my writing ezine AND my creativity ezine.

Sometimes the creativity is in finding a sensitive way to say, “I can’t right now.” “Son, I know you want to play badminton. I have an abscessed tooth and can’t move my head. How about Old Maid on the bed instead?”

And sometimes the creativity is just in remembering that these are people, things, and situations you love and want to enjoy, and then going and enjoying them. Let me TEACH YOU how to maximize what you can do.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
stop being a trash can

Are you a trash can? Do you accept negativity from friends?

Carmen, a client of mine, told me at the end of one of her sessions, “I’m no longer willing to be a trash can for others’ negativity.”

“Wow!” I said. “I’m delighted to hear that! And I love that metaphor!”

Carmen is a lovely, warm, intelligent and compassionate young woman in her late 20’s. Coming from a very narcissistic mother, Carmen learned early in life to be safe from her mother’s anger by listening to her mother’s complaints. She learned to put aside her own feelings and be a mother to her mother. Of course, no matter how much she gave to her mother, it was never enough. It wasn’t until Carmen started her inner work that she discovered was narcissism was.

Early in our work together, Carmen discovered that most of her friends were just like her mother. “ I sit and listen to them complain or listen to them brag. They are never interested in me at all. If I say anything about myself, they always bring it right back to themselves. Why are so many of my friends like this?”

“Because you are willing to listen without speaking up for yourself. There are many self-absorbed people, narcissistic people with entitlement issues, who just love it when someone is willing to listen to them. As long as you are willing to listen to their complaints and support their self-centeredness, they will continue to do it.”

“But if I speak up, I won’t have any friends.”

Photo by Andrew Robles on Unsplash

“Well, you might not have many friends for awhile, but eventually you will find new friends – people who really care about you. When you are willing to care for yourself instead of putting yourself aside, you will attract people who care about you. But this will take time. You need to be willing to lose others rather than continue to lose yourself. Do you think you are ready to do this?”

“Yes! I don’t want to be a trash can anymore. I don’t want people dumping their negativity onto me anymore.”

How do you feel inside when you allow others to dump their negativity – their complaints, their anger, their self-centeredness and sense of entitlement onto you? If you really look inside instead of pushing your own feelings into a closet, you will discover that you feel really lonely with these people. There is no mutual support, no sharing of love, no mutual giving and receiving. You give and they take, and you end up feeling drained and lonely. Yet you hang in there for fear of being alone with no friends or no partner.

If you are really honest with yourself, you will find that it’s not worth it – that you deserve better than to be a trash can for others’ negativity.

It takes faith and courage to speak up for yourself. It takes courage to say to your friend who is dumping her negativity onto you,

“This doesn’t feel good. Whenever we are together all you do is complain or talk on and on about yourself. You are never interested in me at all, and this is no longer okay with me. Either this needs to change or I don’t want to spend time with you. It’s not fun for me and I just end up feeling used and drained.”

When you become willing to speak up for yourself, you will discover who really are your friends and who was just using you. Some people may say, “I’m so grateful you told me this. I didn’t realize I was doing this. Please, I want to stop, and I would appreciate your pointing it out to me next time I do it.” Others will go into denial and say, “That’s not true. I listen to you all the time.” Others will just get angry and go away.

It’s a great way to discover who your friends really are!

goals are good

5 Great Tips To Make Your Goals Your Reality

Goals are a great tool for motivation. But if you don’t use them correctly, they can also be a source of frustration. They are only empowering if they are used properly. So how do you make a goal into something that is a benefit for you?

Strategies are important, especially to help you create the type of success you desire and deserve.

Here are five techniques to help you realize good results.

1. Balance: In your life, you will have personal development, personal finance, and other goals. Don’t neglect any of them. It is ok to want things, but don’t forget to balance those pursuits with your own growth as a person. All of these are important so be clear about all of them and make them real for you.

2. Plan Actions: Goals are not items for your to-do list. It is what you are striving for. Plan specific actions that lead you towards your desired results. Use them to provide your compass for those actions. When you plan actions for the day you can easily tell if they’re going to be effective if you have clear goals to compare them against.

3. Share: If you were an archer, would you keep it a secret that you want to hit the bull’s eye? Too many keep their target a secret. Share them with people who will support and encourage you.

4. Write it: Make your goals real by recording them. Put copies of this on index cards and keep copies in the car and in the bathroom and review them regularly. Make them the center of your focus. Don’t just set them and then ignore them. Your goals are like a compass to tell you which way to go. The exciting part is that you get to chose the alignment of your compass.

5. Don’t Give Up: Don’t be afraid to try something, fail and try something else. Take effective and massive action to meet your goals and understand that any true goals will take many steps to achieve. Sometimes you will make a misstep, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s only those who abandon their direction who don’t achieve them.

GET STARTED!

Photo by Zachary Nelson on Unsplash
Photo by Zachary Nelson on Unsplash

 

designed life list

UPDATE: Designed Life Literary Awards Winners

It’s with great pleasure that we present the winners of the 2017 Designed Life Literary Awards, it’s been close to two months since the inception of this contest. The winners were selected based on the valid shares – note that we noticed some entries that were shared multiple times by the same person and this reduced the value of their shares, The judges also scored the entries based on standard English Usage rules and this led us to the following result:

  1. Olanrewaju Olamide emerges in First Place with the story “1814”
  2. Akinyemi Muhammed— Princely  emerges in Second Place with the story “Buried in time”
  3. Chuks Obi emerges in Third Place with the poem “The Widow”

We appreciate all the finalists and entrants for their participation and we wish you all the best in your writing career and paths.

The winners should kindly contact Mr. Damilola Jonathan Oladeji for further instructions via his email jonathanoladeji@gmail.com and on Whatsapp 08181475673.

Note: we apologize for the delays, the errors and the issues that have followed the organizing of this writing contest, we promise to do much better with the subsequent editions. 

christians find rest

Rest and Reflect

Over the past week, I have realized that many Christians are going through a season of PRESSING. You might be feeling burdened down a bit or even having a lot on your mind. I want you to know YOU ARE IN A GREAT PLACE. You are in a place of walking into the greatest moments of your life. The enemy wouldn’t be messing with you or bothering you if you weren’t a threat! You have to really sit back and reflect on what the Lord has done for you. You may have faced many secret battles and public battles. Just know you are never alone.

The enemy is hating on you in a big way. He doesn’t want you to find out what it means to really walk with the Lord. He doesn’t want you to learn who you are in Christ especially during your season of singleness. Guess what?! He is already defeated and if you don’t give up! You will see what God promised you in every area of your life. I want you to know that you must continue standing on the word of God. You must use your spiritual weapon of rest as you walk through this season.

What God is Saying

During my quiet time with the Lord God kept telling me that my children need to rest. God stated to me that many of us are trying to fight battles and we are exhausted. God is saying he has your back! You don’t have to fall or give into the enemy’s lies. God sees what you have been through and what you are going through. In order to win the battle, you are in you must rest. When you rest it doesn’t mean you have no power or authority. Also, don’t feel bad when you rest. I know it looks impossible to rest because there are so many things to do each day. Take a step back. I want you to stop questioning and I want you to just breathe.

Jesus wants to teach you how to walk with him. This key scripture came into my heart during my quiet time.

Matthew 11:30 NIV

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

 

The burdens you are carrying will crush you if you don’t give it to God. The weights and the questions may seem unanswered, but let it go. Give it to God and just stand in the place of worship. Continue to stand in that place of faith. People around you may not understand and guess what it’s okay! God is leading you into a new land! Just PRESS THROUGH!

Take time this week to reflect and rest! Find time this week to look at your season of singleness as a gift. Take time to look at the faithfulness of God! THAT IS THE KEY TO MOVE INTO THE NEXT LEVEL OF GLORY!

Here are a few key points that can help you as you reflect during your pressing season.

Rest Key Points:

  • You can’t figure it all out. Just let everything go and give every concern over to God. Whatever you keep thinking about over and over again. You will just exhaust yourself. Let father God take hold of each situation. Just tell God what is on your heart. You are never alone. Let God into every area. Just rest into his arms. Just sit with him.
  • Thank God for what you do have. The best place to be to enter into a mindset of rest with God is to thank him.
  • It’s okay to sit back after you have done what you were supposed to and just rest. Don’t allow people to make you feel bad for your me + Jesus time. You need special moments with God to energize yourself. You need personal time with the Lord to reflect.
  • Rest in prayer with the Lord. Sometimes, you just need time to lay on your face and really surrender everything to the Lord. He wants you whole and complete in him alone. Don’t talk so much, but work on during this season to listen and receive.
  • If you don’t know where to begin to rest. Just sit with your favorite healthy snack and talk with God. He just wants to hear your voice. Simple steps bring big progress!

Reflect Key Points:

  • Look back on what the Lord has done in your past. If you keep focusing on what you don’t have you won’t have the heart you need to really receive what the Lord wants you to receive. If you focus on what God has done you will start seeing he hasn’t left you!
  • Write down what the Lord has done. Write it down in a journal or personal tablet. You have to write down blessings and what God has done so you can have a visual. You have to have some type of memorial memories of what the Lord has done. So, when you have moments that seem like God is taking a while. You can look back and say WOW he did it for me a while back and I know he will do it again!
  • Don’t get bitter when other people get blessings that you wanted. Just know that God has allowed each test to come for a reason. God has specific blessings for each of us. Don’t worry or be afraid when things take a while. Just reflect and know that God is fighting for you.

 

REFLECTION AND THANKFULNESS COMBINED ARE POWERFUL!!!!

 

designed life list

DESIGNED LIFE AWARDS: EXTENDED SUBMISSION DEADLINE (FREE ENTRY)

Due to the short submission period and other considerations by the Designed Life team, we are pleased to inform the writing community of the following changes in the designed life contest:

  1. Entry is now absolutely free and we would be making a refund to every writer who has paid. ENTRY IS NOW FREE, writers who have paid previously should send emails to hello@designed.life with their account details and evidence of payment.
  2. We would be extending submissions till 10th May 2017.
  3. The longlist will be out by 30th May 2017 which would be no more than 40 writers, the top 10 would be featured in the June Issue of the CFW EMagazine.
  4. Poetry can be sent in for a chance to win the 20,000 naira cash prize (only), Not more than 25 lines.
  5. Top 20 poets would be listed on the CFW EMagazine June Issue.

The Prizes remain the Same:

50,000 Naira for the First Category Prize (Open to Prose only)

30,000 Naira for the Second Category Prize (Open to Prose only)

20,000 Naira for the Third Category Prize (Open to Poets Only)

 

Note that the CFW EMagazine will not be making any other call for submissions after this for June Issue, so writers who do not send in Entries for the Designed life Contest would not be considered for shortlisting.

ENTRY IS FREE:

The contest will commence on the 30th of May, 2017, Check the Previous publication for how to ENTER YOUR SUBMISSION AND WIN.

ENTRY IS NOW FREE, writers who have paid previously should send emails to hello@designed.life with their account details and evidence of payment.

When there is Darkness Within

The heart is the center of all our existence, it is the power house and source of all that happens to us.

“As a man thinketh, so is he..”

The thoughts and desire, will and visions we have flow from the heart. Even our speech, the things we say to people and to ourselves come from the heart.

The wellspring of life is from the heart, as a biological entity it is the root of human blood. Life resides in the blood and the heart pumps blood round the body, in other words the heart pumps life.

What About When The Heart is Gloomy

Just like a day when the skies darken, when everything seems to go wrong. Life seems to be function contrary to what is expected. Who do we turn to? What steps do we take to restore the sparkle? 


These are  times that typically occur in our lives, we would seek solitude. There are those times when everyone just seems to be against you, it’s not always the case. 

The First Friend

You need to befriend your heart, tend it like a choice garden. Make it merry and sing rhymes to that beating organ in your chest. No one can please your heart more than you do,  it’s you that started out this journey with it. 

No other custodian for your heart than you, clear out the cobwebs. Clean out the dark corners, open the blinds and let light shine in. 


When there is darkness within, you are the first backup for your heart. Rest assured in the love you have for yourself, build castles in your heart and shield yourself from the angry darts of circumstances, pain and shame. 

Fight that darkness till it retreats. 

serial texting is bad

How to run away from Serial Texters

You know those people who text you every minute for random stuff? Yea Serial texters! We know you’ve been scared to tell them how you feel. Well, we’ve got good news for you!

 

Starting today you can stop time wasters, wasting your precious time with serial text messages. Let’s walk you through how to let someone down easy who is demanding too much of your time via text. Time to get away from Text Message Energy Suckers (TMES). Some people really lose perspective when it comes to texting. They forget that the people they care about also have lives to live. No one should be expected to be “on call” to constantly respond to the demands of others via text.

If a family member, boyfriend or girlfriend seems annoyed, hurt, or angry that you do not answer their texts immediately, set them straight. Remember that your time is YOUR time. You should not have to constantly cater to the whims and demands of another. If this is happening in either your personal or professional life, a boundary needs to be drawn. Here’s how to do it.

EXPLAIN

Explain that you can’t focus on the people and tasks directly in front of you when constantly checking your phone. If this isn’t well received, you can even make your point stronger by telling them that your workplace or school does not permit personal texting except for during designated hours.

 

Assure them that you check for new messages at various points during the day. Let them know that you will respond to their texts at these times. If you don’t actually do this, now is a good time to start. When they begin to see that there’s a pattern to your response times, they may settle down and relax about not hearing from you instantly.

 

Point out that you try to be respectful of their time, i.e. not being overly demanding via text, and they should reciprocate this gesture toward you. If they seem to not understand this, you can always send them a message at a time when you know they can’t respond. Then, point out that they don’t always answer texts when it isn’t convenient, so why should you be expected to?

 

Lead by example. Suppose you and said person are together somewhere, such as driving in the car or at a restaurant. And let’s say that a text comes in on your phone. Now would be a good time to gently point out that you are not going to answer the text because it’s your personal policy to offer your undivided attention to the people whose company you’re keeping.

 

If all else fails, and you still find yourself feeling stressed over said friend, coworker or family member’s inability to leave you alone via text, it may be time for stronger measures. Consider why this person is in your life and what value they provide. If a boyfriend or girlfriend, is it time to move on? If it’s a boss who’s giving you grief… is this job really worth sacrificing your peace of mind?

 

If it’s a family member, you may have to simply ignore their messages and turn a deaf ear to their demands. In time, your serial texter may just go away.

 

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