life crumbles sometimes

Life puzzles you then crumbles like a pack of cards. – Story.

I met Lizzy two years ago. She was the life of the party, daring, skinny and very dramatic. We were pretty much the same and we hit it off fast. I don’t know why she trusted me with the details of her life. It wasn’t that I had my life under control, I just felt honoured each time she pulled me aside to have a conversation. One day she reached out to me. Her voice was shaky on the phone and I could not understand what she was saying so I rushed over to her place. It was a few blocks away. The door was slightly open when I walked in. Her room was a mess, she was on the floor holding on to a bottle. I rushed over to her side. I was greeted by the strong smell of alcohol coming from her mouth.

What is wrong? I asked.

My life is over. She said with tears pouring down her soft cheeks leaving dark traces of mascara on them. I rebuked her. Whatever it was, surely wasn’t that serious. I was worried about her. Yes, she was the life of the party but I knew she avoided alcohol like I avoided crawling animals. Seeing her in that state was very much disturbing. I got her up and to the bath, and I made sure she brushed her teeth. When she was fully dressed and sober, she opened up to me.

Lizzy had been in a relationship with a guy, she met him at an interview four years ago. She got the job while he did not. He had moved on to something else and they both worked in different capacities. They were in love and she had given her all to ensure that it stayed that way. They lived for each other and they had started making plans to spend the rest of their lives together. The few times I met Victor I thought he was a nice and kind man. I had no reason to doubt his sincerity of heart. He made her happy. She did same. I was only happy when they had decided on their dates.

Then on that day, Lizzy had left work early to retrieve a document she had forgotten at his place. You guessed right. She returned heartbroken. Victor was home but he wasn’t home alone. He had his pregnant fiancée at home with him and he was massaging her. Unfortunately, he left the door open. She was devastated and left him. Lizzy tried to pick up the pieces but not before crying her eyes out. Four years of happiness suddenly became history. Since that day she has never been the same.

No one has a clear picture of what others are going through- their challenges and struggles. It may seem trivial, you may be unmoved by their stories but it matters to them in that moment. We are all broken, the least you can do is to be a source of comfort. No one should have to pick up the pieces all by themselves. Life would be so much easier if we all give our love and attention to those who need it.

 

 

 

friendship matters

When friendship becomes all that you need and have

It may take years to build friendships but it only takes one minute for a friendship to turn sour. Why? Because we take a lot of things for granted. I believe familiarity should bring respect and not contempt but there are others who don’t think like me. These people take for granted the gift of friends, because of certain bitter experiences. They choose to forget those the times when life made a lot of sense, when it was all rosy. They get to a point where they feel they do not need friends.

No matter how you see it, friendship is an important part of everyday life. A man who has a friend has all the wealth he needs. A good friend is worth more than gold. There are a lot of great people walking on this earth’s surface. A lot of gifted, passionate, stubborn and sometimes annoying yet resourceful individuals are everywhere. They are not all out there, they are not across the borders, you don’t even have to look too far, look around you and when you spot them, sincerely appreciate and hold on to them.

People are Different

Every friend, acquaintance, resourceful person, connection that you encounter in life is uniquely different. You cannot expect everyone in your network to like the same things you like, to do what you do, go where you go, think like you. Make room and give allowances for dissenting views. It doesn’t always have to end in war and it certainly doesn’t always have to be the end of a friendship. There is something great inside everyone of us.

Greatness cannot fit into a box neither can it be silenced. If you have the capacity to amass such connection;to build such networks,then appreciate what you’ve got. Some, if not all of these people, will end up ushering you into more greatness.

Friendship is sacred.

It should be earned and cherished.

Money will change hands. Many will be ruined but there will come a time in a man’s life when loyalty of a few good friends is the only currency he needs. In case you are still wondering who needs friends, well, I have a question for you- who doesn’t?

 

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Edikan Kinza

#Inspire

What's next after a mistake

Now you have made a mistake at work, what next?

I know that sometimes it is hard to admit mistakes but is it not liberating when you do so? Does it not feel like a burden has been lifted off your shoulders and you can finally walk freely?

Everyone makes mistakes. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Without mistakes, a lot of people will not be where they are right now. There are quite a number of entrepreneurs who took risks at various investments that never once paid off but they got to learn important lessons and develop valuable skills. They may have gotten too disappointed to try again but they remained resilient despite how their decisions turned out. Mistakes are not limitations. They are not only meant to expose our weaknesses, they also highlight our strengths. It is what you do after you have made a mistake that counts.

Mistakes could mean the end or the beginning for some people. Their outlook about life as a whole can be traced all the way back to their first mistake. Did they learn from it? Did they sulk from being scolded? Did they quit? Did they limit their mental picture to their failings?

Pause

Take for instance a cup has two ends-the open end and the closed end. What side are you looking at? How do you view your mistakes? Do you see it as the end of your life, you know, like there is no way out-case closed or do you see it as another opportunity just presented itself? Are you willing to try something new? Are you receptive to new ideas or have you already concluded that nothing can work?

Some people think that mistakes diminish them compared to other people who never seem to have made mistakes in their lives. They see themselves as inferior, as failures and unworthy but I dare say, that is all in the mind. The mind is a powerful place. If you cannot control it, it will ruin you.

What do you give attention?

When we pay too much attention to what we hear people say, we regurgitate on it until it becomes a part of us then we begin to doubt our own voices and when we doubt ourselves and our abilities, it affects our choices. This goes on and on until it becomes a lifestyle. It takes a positive force on the inside to break that cycle.

Do yourself a favour. Stop paying too much attention to negative reviews about your life or ideas. It will kill you before you even start. These negativities will always be there and they quickly multiply on the outside. You have to be able to harness the power within if you want to navigate through life. You will make mistakes but that is not the end. Capitalize on the knowledge you gain. For as long as you are alive, your cup remains open. Pour in only the good stuff.

Cheers to the good life.

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What You Should Know About Opinions, You are the Priority.

The opinions and criticisms of others only become nauseating when you have not developed the ability to think on your own, make your own decisions and live on your own terms. No one should have the power to make you do what you do not want to do but you cannot escape being pushed around if you do not know what you want to do in the first place.

You have to be sure of yourself but how can you be sure of yourself if you have not put yourself to the test? Unless you go through a series of processes, you cannot get to a place where you trust yourself and your instincts completely. Trust is not handed down so how do you get there? –time, practice, persistent, plus all your mistakes combined. It takes years to develop this ability but there will be a time when just your instincts will save you and others from a major disaster.

Who else has watched the movie, Sully? It is about a U.S. Airways Pilot, Captain Chesley Sullenberger, who averted a crash on January 15, 2009, when both engines of Flight 1549 failed at 2800 feet. He achieved this not only by depending on the knowledge he had gathered over the years but by trusting his instincts and making a quick- and what would become a lifesaving- decision when he landed in the Hudson River against all odds- a  feat no one else had ever achieved. He was later invited to a public hearing by theNational Transportation Safety Board on the accusation of endangering the lives of 155 passengers on board the plane but he stood his ground even when all the evidence presented showed that he could have landed safely if only he had returned to base, La Guardia, when the problem first started.

I watched as he battled fear, uncertainty, and doubt at some point and I understood that it is okay to fear and doubt, it comes naturally when we are faced with certain trauma and it can happen to any one of us but then again, we can rise above it just like this man did because he knew who he was, he knew his worth, he trusted his instincts and he was confident in his abilities. Soon after the rest of the world knew it too and called him a hero.

One day, someone would come from somewhere to demand something of you, it could be something that is just not you and hopefully you would be in a place where you can confidently say, “I think not”- not because of pride but because you have a consciousness of who you are and what you stand for without having to be told or reminded by other people.

Brace yourself and keep in mind that every struggle, hurt, pain, disappointment or rejection you had to go through will lead to that important moment when it will really matter.

You do not have to quit right now because things are hard. Everything has its season. Those mistakes you made are not limitations. There will come a day when you can boldly say you found a better way, you finally made it et cetera but you have to start from somewhere.So do not quit practice, do not skip that class, and do not miss that test. You never know when it would come in handy.If one man could save the world, it could be you.

Cheers!

ambition is catalyst

Ambition is the greatest catalyst for success, Protect yours.

It is not ambition that kills you. Ambition only acts as a catalyst. It drives you and fills you up with positive energy which you can harness into achieving something great. Stasis, on the other hand, can drive you nuts. Staying dormant will never propel you toward greatness. It will, however, enslave you and create room for resentment towards yourself and others. It kills you slowly.

Surround yourself with people who challenge you to be a better version of yourself. Be with people who bring positive energy to the table.

Protect your ambition, Protect your space.

You cannot allow negative people into your space. They will only end up stealing from you without remorse. They will steal your happiness. They will steal your joy. They will make everything you worked so hard for seeming worthless until you become one of them; not going forward, not going backward- caught in the middle. They will not stop until you are on their level and that is when you begin to die slowly, your creative energy and enthusiasm for life wanes until you become just a shadow. The painful part is you know you are spiraling downwards yet you are helpless because the type of people you allowed in who ought to have been the people helping you regenerate are doing the opposite of that. They are degenerative and that is your disadvantage.

You cannot make progress if you do not put a stop to it. Be done with all that. Enough of all that.What your mind can conceive, you can achieve. Draw from your well of strength and break free. Even when they are clawing at you, fight them off. You cannot be in the dark and expect to see the light without lighting a torch and once you break free, never look back. Re-establish yourself and amplify your energy by connecting with those who not only remind you of who you are but also help and challenge you to put your energy to good use and see your dreams and aspiration through.

 

Are Friends Worth ‘Fighting’ For? – Living a Designed Life

sThat depends on your definition of friends, doesn’t it?

A friend is someone you know well and regard with affection even trust. That is the dictionary definition. Friendships are functions of several parameters. It involves emotions, time invested in certain relationships. It is not new to have trust broken among friends. Some couples never looked like they could ever breakup, they were so cute together. We suddenly hear news of their failed relationships and we wonder what could have gone wrong. It could be confusing, Why didn’t they hold on a little bit longer? What happened to their friendship?

Have you ever had to deal with someone who is opinionated and not ready to back down? Isn’t it exerting having to repeat yourself to a friend, even though they are determined to not understand your plight? They are convinced you are on the wrong track even if you are sure you are not. These friends take it upon themselves to correct you unnecessarily under the umbrella of friendship. Some friends will never ever agree with you even if the decision is yours because they believe they could have done better.

You both would like to believe you have the best interests of each other at heart yet you cannot deny how exhausting it really is having to go through a rollercoaster of emotions and fights in the name of friendship.

Some fights are not even worth it

Yet some of us cannot get ourselves to avoid it. We even extend it to people who are not our direct friends just because our so called friends are involved in it but that is not entirely wise. Do not join the wagon just because you want to be associated with a certain cause no matter what it is or who is involved in it especially when it is not noble. When the chips are down, the people who you fought for may or may not stick around probably because they are smart enough to know when not to engage or just too busy choosing their battles and selecting their arms.

It is better to fight your own fight and stop dragging other people in as a backup. Friendship is not an excuse to misbehave just because the other person is doing same.

We should all respect people, irrespective of their choices. It is your responsibility as a friend to support, encourage and protect each other without lording it over or resorting to violence when threatened. There is no hierarchy in friendship but there are boundaries. We all have a purpose and there is a time for everything. A time to draw the curtains and allow the sun in,  to shut the world out and do your own thing. There is the time to defend and a time to correct A time to disagree and a time to agree.

Friends or acquaintances come in different packages and each with a different gift or baggage. You just have to know who to keep, what to sift through and when to let go.

becoming the best of yourself

Becoming The Best Version of Yourself, Success in a Life of Design.

 

If you desire something, go ahead and work towards it. You have to stop thinking about what other people will say about you and concentrate on what you want. Of course, we all want to be right. We all want to lead. We all want to be rich. We all want to be free. We all want many things but we will not have all these if all we do is succumb to the pressures that surround us.

You are not him. You are not her.

Stop thinking like him. Stop acting like her. You have a mind. Use it. Think for yourself. It is a choice to be the best version of yourself, becoming exactly who you want to be. Just do you.

Not everyone will agree with you but do not let that stop you.The encouragements may never come, do not wait for it.Every one of us has dreams they hold dear yet only a few succeed. The criticisms will always be there, the hurdles may never go away, and the arrows may keep pointing at you but your reaction matters where this is concerned.

Do you stay low when you get hit or do you try to get back up and try again? Some people never get over their failures but others do and there lies the difference. If you concentrate on your weakness you will face many limitations.

Keep pushing. Keep pressing. You are not him or her. You will succeed only when you want to succeed.